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What to do about my now ex boyfriend/father of my daughter

Well I will try to make this as short as possible. Me and my daughters father have had an on again off again relationship ever since I found out I was pregnant. Well this past Sunday he told me he loves me just can't live with me well we don't live together so I know you can have a relationship with someone even though you don't live together. He said we are not together wants to be friends with me ARE YOU KIDDING? It seems to me he just wants to be with other women and not feel guilty about it. So I find myself loving someone and wanting to be with someone who obviously does not want me. Should I just file for primary custody since I have my daughter and file for child support and just be cold to him? He is not good for me and I know that but I worry about the future and who he is going to be with and the kind of women that will be around my daughter. Is it wrong for me to be cold, cause I am hurt by the breakup.

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chilipepper69

Asked by chilipepper69 at 1:43 PM on Jan. 6, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • I agree with you and yes set the boundaries now with child support and custody.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:46 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Yes, go ahead and file for support and custody. Just remember to always love your daughter more than you hate her father. I have to remind myself of that all the time with my ex and children when he and I have a disagreement about something.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:49 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Since you were never legally married to him, you may not need to do anything. I'm sure the laws are different from one state to another, but I would certainly check with a public advocacy office and ask what the laws are in your jurisdiction. It may just be that if you don't file any kind of papers and since he is the one who walked away from her, that you would automatically get full custody. That would also likely mean that you could not get child support, but you would be trading child support for security for your child, which to me would be much more important. If he is a skirt chaser, he will likely disappear from off the radar screen anyway. So I would definitely ask some questions of the legal profession where you live and then make the final decision.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:53 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Honestly, I would just not do anything. Just forget about him. Don't allow him to see her. Tell him if he wants to be in her life...he needs to give you some money to help support her, and if he doesn't want to give you money, then he doesn't get to see her...and if he really wants to see her, he will bring YOU to court. Then you go to court and explain the situation to the judge, and you can say you want him to have supervised visits if any at all...either supervised by you, or someone else...and then you wont have to worry about him having other women around your daughter. That's something I struggle with in my situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Im going to send you a message if you dont mind but I just got out of similar situation. Me and my daughters father was together and when I got pregnant it became an on and off kind of thing. We stayed together my third trimester and up until I had the baby. About 3 weeks after he left like it was nothing. He didnt want to be in a relationship with me, he didnt want to leave with me. I was so hurt you can imagine. I cried and I tried. But basically for a 1 1/2 I put up with him and his nonsense and I tried to make it work all to find out that he recently got engaged in May and now married in December and I feel like total shit. Im a tell you dont let your emotions get the best of you. I know its easier said than done. But dont do it. Let it go and leave it like it is. Right now me and him dont even speak and its still hard on me. The one thing I have never done was be cold to him because of what he has done. Cont
    lilmsnay83

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 1:55 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Its not worth it. Let him be an ass. You go on, and try to move on with your life. Its going to be hard. Being a single mom is scary. Trust me I know. Its hard. Believe me. It will take you 15 min to do something that normally takes 5. You will have to make sacrifices and all but i look back and Im glad it ended. I ask myself was I happy with him and no I wasnt I was just scared to be alone and scared to be a single mom. My daughter is 2 and we are so happy now. Let him make the decision to be in her life or not. Dont ever force it. She will grow up and see for herself. And as far as other women. What can you do? Im very comfortable now with my daughter going with her father and his wife. I know her father loves her and will never let anything happen to her so I trust. If you trust her father then go ahead. Dont make it harder on yourself? As far as child supprt and custody, see if he is willing to.. Cont
    lilmsnay83

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 1:58 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • work something out. You can make your own arrangements before going to court. If he doesnt abide by them then you can say, hey I gave you a chance you didnt stick to it so now Im going to court. But honestly think about it. I made some crazy decisions out of emotions and Im regretting half of them now.
    lilmsnay83

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 2:00 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • If you arent together you should always file for some form of custody. Otherwise he can take off with her if he wanted to and there is no custody agreement in place to stop him or you from it. Id file, get everything in writing, visits, child support etc so that regardless you have something stable in place for your child regarding her relationship with him. That way if he does just drop off the map you can show her in 20 yrs you tried to insure a relationship between them and he didnt want one. It also protects you emotionally because if hes wishy washy you dont have to talk to him about anything but your child, and can move onto bigger and brighter things.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:04 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Another thing. I dont believe you should ever keep your child away from the other parent if he is willing. My daughter's father never gave me a dime, but he did help. He would pick her up when I couldnt. He did buy her shoes and diapers at times. I have done 85% of the financial stuff and for that reason alone is why we made a agreement that he didnt stick to so I went to court to make it legal so if he doesnt pay he has to deal with the state and alot of legal issues. But even still knowing he hasnt paid a dime since GOD knows when, if he called and asked to speak to her or see her I would without a problems.

    Dont let you all problems come between them. A child isnt supposed to know all of whats going on. Like I said if he turns out to be a dead beat and want nothing to do with her she will see that eventually and make her own judgement.
    lilmsnay83

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 2:07 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I dont know where you live but I had my daughter in Georgia. In Georgia if you are not married then technically the mother has all the rights to the child. The father has to file for them. Even if he signed the birth certificate, you still have all the rights. He can never take her from you or anything. If he does its kidnapping. Check with your state. But most places its like that now.
    lilmsnay83

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 2:09 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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