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HOW DO YOU COPE WITH A STEPCHILD THAT DOESNT LIKE YOU?

My stepchild is 7yrs old. My husband and i have been together fo 6 1/2 years but her mom hates me. My stepdaughter told ma and my husband that she doesnt like me. She doesnt even respect me. I am taking the family to disney world in june but i don't want to take her so my husband says that if i dont let her go then he's not going. What should i make of this? If she goes then me and my kids won't enjoy ourselves and if she don't go then he won't go and I'll be a whole week without my husband. Am I wrong for feeling like he's choosing his 7yr old daughter over me?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Jan. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Wow - most moms here seem to have no clue how hard it is to be a step-parent! If the child is disrespectful towards you, then she shouldn't be allowed on the Disney trip. Your husband needs to step in make his daughter be kind and respectful towards you... and you do the same. If the child continues to not work towards a better situation, then she shouldn't be allowed the same priveledges as the other children (vacations, etc.).

    Why is it that just because she's a step-child she's allowed to not work towards liking/loving her step-mom???

    I've had 3 step-kids for 8 years. We still work through stuff. In fact just last night my 12 YO SD was crying in her room because she's uncomfortable here (dad deployed, mom got evicted, so she's here with me). I TRY, but I can only do so much. I give her all she needs... but she needs her PARENTS. None the less, my husband makes it clear to her to be kind and helpful to me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • yes it wrong. why would you not include her? dont you want her to like you? don't you want to make her dad happy? she is 7 and you are how old? I'm sure her mother is influencing her opinion of you but you should be the bigger person and try to become her friend..i'm sure you are capable of doing that
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 3:55 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Choosing his daughter OVER you. OP you have to get past that mind set. How would you feel if the tables were turned and you were in your husbands place. Would you want to be without YOUR child on a family trip because he couldn't be an adult. She is a child having problems with the family dynamics. Darn it when are people going to realize that children have feelings too and it is NOT EASY to be in a blended family. ESPECIALLY when she obviously does not live with you full time. She feels like an outsider. Grow up and be the adult.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • IMHO... I think she should go, she's your child as much as his now, unless you truly don't love her. My Husband isn't our boys bio-dad but he doesn't leave any of them out. He's their Dad in every sense of the word.. She's acting out because she's looking for attention, whether it's bad or not, it's attention. I think it's time for a family meeting with her and her bio-mom so you all can get on the same page. GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 3:56 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Woa, she is only seven years old. How old are you? It is hard being in a two family house hold. Many people make it work and that's what it takes....work. You are doing the worst thing possible to her and your marriage by not including her. Sorry Mama I have no sympathy for you.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 3:57 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • You have had 6 and a half years to help your SD feel like she has a home and have not followed through with it. It is your job to welcome the child not the other way around. Let her have some time with her father for cripes sakes. Shame on you for even thinking we'd feel sorry for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • when i say try to become her friend i'm talkin about the 7 yr old btw. You can try to start off just being friends with the kid instead of trying to take on a parental roll
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:00 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • me? I can't get past you even fathoming the idea that he chooses his child over you. You are full of it if you think he will stop loving his child to be with your selfish self. Chooses? he is her father. He chose you but she is his by blood and for life. Get over yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Honestly, and I am not trying to be a bitch, but you are being selfish, This is a child, his child (and yours) you and your dh need to have a talk, get on the same page in regards to your SD. Yes, she should go to disney with the family. Grow up a little bit!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • being a step parent is a huge job, and much harder than being a biological parent, IMO. it is your job to always let her know that she is safe and loved by you. Nice of you to take the family to disney world, but mean of you to consider leaving someone out.
    i think you should see a therapist or family counselor, or preacher to learn how to bring your family together. As the mother that is your job.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 4:46 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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