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I'm supposed to be responsible for every freakin thing?!

My FIL is manipulative. He is out on parole. He has been using our address for parole purposes, and he's violating it. He is staying out of state, and drinking. He has also spread rumors about me, disrespected DH and our home. So after almost a year, I asked him to leave. DH is in Iraq and supports this totally. DH and I begged BIL and SIL to help us with finding FIL a place to stay, but they wouldn't. Now all the sudden, FIL tells BIL that he HAS to move in with them cuz they are the ONLY ones in Texas. P.O. said he has to live in TX or go back to jail, but not that he has to live with any of us. He has had time and money to find his own place, but he wouldn't. Why pay rent instead of buying beer? Now I am afraid I am going to be jumped all over & made out to be this horrible person because they will have to put up with him. Why is it okay for ME to house him for free, but its not ok for them?!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jan. 6, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • "Oh I would tell his PO in a heart beat but I've already been accused of ratting him out for asking once before if we could get in trouble IF he violated. He told everyone I told on him."

    And SO WHAT? The thing here is that you need to do what's RIGHT and stop worrying about what ANYONE thinks but the woman n that mirror of yours.

    You are VERY likely to find that the inlaws disappear from your life over this. As another woman with toxic inlaws let me tell you...it's NO GREAT LOSS. We are our own family and can actually spend holidays the way WE want. It's MARVELOUSLY freeing.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:59 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • It is hard to say no, but you cant be an enabler. You gave hm a fair shot and he blew it, you dont have to keep helping him, he has to want to help himself. Al-anon is helpful in dealing with these type of situations.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:48 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • OP....cont'd...Yes, I have posted about this issue with FIL, but now this is brand new information I have found out. I have a feeling when my BIL gets home and his wife tells him what the PO told her, he's going to call ME b*tching because he doesn't want to deal with his own Dad. I'm sorry, but I don't think its my d@mn responsibility to house this man for free forever! AND, we asked for help in finding a place for FIL but BIL and SIL were too busy with their lives to care about him imposing on us. All this crap is FIL's fault! He's going to cause a family feud because he's a piece of shite who won't get off his @ss and find a place to live.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • You don't mention why he's on parole, but I'd just cut him off. And cut THEM off too if needed. You do NOT need this toxicity in your life.

    Your father in law is responsible for HIMSELF. Finding a home is HIS problem...not yours, not his children's. HIS.

    I would honestly be calling the parole board, though, if he's violating it. This is to protect YOU...you could find yourself facing aiding and abetting charges if he commits a crime in the other location while reporting that he lives with you.

    If hit means he's back in jail...oh well. He's an adult. Needs to face the music.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:49 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Oh I would tell his PO in a heart beat but I've already been accused of ratting him out for asking once before if we could get in trouble IF he violated. He told everyone I told on him. I didn't, I asked but didn't say he was. He's on parole for DWI 3rd offense or something. He's been in prison 5 times that I know of for the same thing. BIL and SIL would blame me for him going back even though HE'S the one in the wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Call his parole officer and let him know he is violating.. that will give him a place to stay for a while :) Problem solved
    maybebaby83

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 4:54 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • well if he is accussing you of telling on him anyway, then you might as well.. forget him! sounds like no matter what you do your gonna get blamed.. he might as well be in jail where it sounds like he belongs..
    maybebaby83

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 4:55 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Protect yourself first and report him. Let inlaws get upset they're not living with him.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 4:59 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Honestly... I would call his PO, because he is violating his parole by going out of state. He has been out of jail 5 times??? Apparently, he hasn't learned anything from being in 5 times. It isn't your responsibility to keep your FIL in line, it's his responsibility to take care of himself or his kids. He is taking advantage of you, because he knows he can push you to your limits. Let your BIL or SIL keep him up, it's their Dad not yours. It was nice of you to help him, but his other Children should help & take turns with helping you with him.
    marcnsarah

    Answer by marcnsarah at 5:15 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • gdiamante - It's def right! If you lose your in-laws, no biggie! It sounds like they don't help you as it is. My DH told his Mom to stop coming around because she is an Alcoholic. Your FIL sounds just like my MIL, all except she has her own place. They should be supporting you with your Husband away in Iraq!!!
    marcnsarah

    Answer by marcnsarah at 5:20 PM on Jan. 6, 2010