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Baby shower for a baby that won't live? Wdyt?

My cousin is pregnant with her first baby, a girl due this spring. Numerous problems have been found such as Trisomy (13? 18? I don't
remember which), cysts on the baby's brain, heart cousin was told the baby could die at any time. If the baby is born alive, and that's a big IF, she won't live for long.

So my question a situation like hers, would you still have a baby shower? My aunt is throwing her one, and I agree she still deserves it. The baby is still loved and deserves to be celebrated.
My inlaws and another aunt, on the other hand, do NOT agree. What do you think? Would you attend a shower for a baby that you know will die? Would you still buy a great present or do you feel you'd buy less? If you were the mother having a baby that won't make it, would you expect a shower? I know my cousin has registered at a few places.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Jan. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (60)
  • Thats really tough... I guess I would throw one b/c maybe the baby will live longer thn they think.. But i would stick to cheaper things that she will def. use even if the baby only lives a few weeks.. Clothes, diapers, wipes, ect...

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 8:30 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • watch this video
    have the shower! it would be worse if u didnt. :(

    Answer by Vero0724 at 8:30 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • i say yes, still throw the party and celebrate the life. Even if there aren't lots of presents, it would be nice to have everyone together as support. Anything she does get isn't going to go bad unless it is food. pack it up and save it for down the line if and when she tries again. I don't personally think i would act any different if i knew the circumstances, i would crochet a blanky and treat mom like normal basically.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I'm sorry to hear that about her baby. I have a friend who lost a baby to trisomy 18

    I don't think I'd call it a baby shower, nor will it really be a shower in the traditional sense. I'm not even sure what she's registering for... I think it would make the most sense to ask for donations for the burial/cremation, maybe some keepsakes. But she won't need the traditional gifts.

    I personally would just have a memorial service afterward.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I would go but I'd give a gift card. I hope that doesn't sound mean but with a gift card she could buy what she needs for the baby, if the child lives and if the child doesn't she can still buy something she might need.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:33 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I would go to a shower for the baby even if they didn't think he or she would make it. The baby can always surprise the medical world. If I went to a shower like this I would bring a gift. Probably a cute little outfit and one of those kits where you can make the baby's hand or footprints. That way if something did happen, she would have the prints to treasure...and if nothing happened she could display the prints and watch how fast her baby grows up. =)

    Answer by Krystal.Ingalls at 8:33 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I think it depends on the emotional state and wishes of the mother. A shower may help or it may hurt. Either way, you can always ask kindly for people to share gifts and such in case the baby makes it so the parents will have some supplies without going through the shower itself if it may make the mother feel bad. Let the parents make the decision. They may want the celebration or they may not want the fuss added to their painful loss. Just be very careful not to hurt anyone's feelings. It's a tough time.

    Answer by jus1jess at 8:34 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • i would be heartbroken even more if someone gave me a donation to bury my unborn child, even if i knew it might not make it. mom has been probably waiting for this moment for a long time and with a blink of an eye her motherhood is doomed. let her have her moment, celebrate together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I agree throw the shower and celebrate, it's an awful thing to think about the baby not making it and maybe they don't want to think like that and pretend everything is gonna be okay that may be her way of coping with the whole situation. That's an awful situation to be in, I don't know from experience but it's gotta be the worst feeling in the world to lose your child, so everyone has different ways of dealing and this is hers.

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 8:35 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • YES I MOST DEFIANTLY would go and I would really think hard about my gift. Maybe a special way to remember her baby...a foot casting kit or something....not sure.

    But dont be so sure, miracles happen, maybe she will receive one and her baby will survive...even if for a few months.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:37 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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