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How do I make friends?

I know this seems likes a really really silly question and I know all the typical answers. Join a playgroup, join a church, join a gym, etc. etc. Problem is, I'm kind of anti-social and enjoy being alone. I do enjoy friends (when I had them), but since i've gotten married and had kids my life is gone in that direction and friends have faded away into acquaintences. My counselor says I need gilfriends, but here's the deal. Most of the women I come across in these groups ive tried to join are stay at home suburban moms whose husbands make a good wad of cash. I am the bread winner of my family (my husband doesn't work and its embarassing), my house is tiny and in a poor neighborhood, I work mostly on weekends so im not available during social hours (you see where Im going with this). Im finishing up my bachelors right now and have a great job., and lots to be thankful for cont.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Jan. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think the counsellor likely meant friends in REAL LIFE, not online internet friends, right? Anyways, you need to get over a few things if you want to find real women to be real friends with. Your house is small and your husband has a hard time holding down a job. Big deal. Do you take care of your kids? Feed them, care for them, provide for them? Do they have a warm roof over their heads and healthy food for meals? Do they have clothes to keep them warm and dry and parents who love them? Are they secure, happy, healthy? If you answered yes to all that then you really need to get over your inferiority complex. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who is constantly down on themselves or feeling inferior. And as much as you think you hide that, my money is that you really don't hide it all that well.

    Making friends as an adult is hard. There is no magic method. I find the odd woman I work with that I con'td.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 12:20 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • cont. BUT I don't have friends because Im basically embarassed of my house and embarassed that my husband can't hold a job (he is working on that and trying to be a better husband, so we're not gonna beat him up over it). ANYWAY...my question is...how do i make friends that are non-judgemental and who will just like me for who I am? The only kind of people I can attract are the kind of women who dont work and their husbands make a ton of money. I may appear on the outside to some people to have money for some reason, but I dont and am in fact a very frugal kind of person. I dunno. It just feels hopeless. thanks in advance.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • You can message me if you feel comfortable! I'm not judgemental and I LOVE making new friends. =)

    Hang in there. You will eventually run into people that are worthy of your friendship!
    itsjaimiehere

    Answer by itsjaimiehere at 9:48 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • "but since i've gotten married and had kids my life is gone in that direction and friends have faded away into acquaintences. "
    Im in the same boat hun. and Im also kinda shy. you can add me if you want. we seem to have alot in common
    Lovin_mybaby5

    Answer by Lovin_mybaby5 at 9:49 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • have things in common with. You have to pay attention to the women you know to see if there is potential for "deeper" friendship. Common interests, beliefs, opinions. Stuff like that. It's hard. But don't try to hard either you'll drive yourself insane. Just be happy with what you have in your life and let what comes come. Good luck.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 12:21 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS. IM ALSO A BREAD WINNER MY HUSBAND DOES WORK BUT ITS PARTIME AND AFTER CHILD SUPPORT THERE IS NOT MUCH LEFT. I WORK FULL TIME AND BUSY WITH THE KIDS. PEOPLE DO THINK I HAVE IT AL FOR SOME REASON. BUT YOU ARE RIGHT ITS HARD TO FIND FRIENDS THAT ARE NOT JUDGEMENTAL.
    YOU CAN ALSO MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT. TAKE CARE...
    motherof963

    Answer by motherof963 at 12:23 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Join a coffee club group (like after you drop the kids off at school). You do not have to meet at any one's house. It is nice to be waited on instead of being the hostess, etc. Maybe you can run an ad on like craigslist.org and start a club yourself. Maybe a walking club, bunko club, etc. There are PLENTY OF MOMS in the same boat. Me being one of them. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • You need to not judge yourself becuase you can't expect others to not look at you funny if you're sending off a vibe that says i'm not confident with my status or house etc.... Decorate your house and don't worry about the size. Most people don't care about teh size of your home. Or how much your DH makes. As long as he's trying that is OK. I'm like to be left alone myself but if you are going to make friends you have to just push yourself and take the leap.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 2:45 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • I think that you need a new therapist; someone who can help you understand, and get over, being embarassed about your spouse being a stay-at-home dad. This attitude must be hurting your husband and your marriage.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:53 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

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