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should i let my husband have/watch porn?

im really confused on this husband is always wanting to buy porn but i get really upset if he has it or i catch him with it..i tell him i dont like it and that it hurts my feelings when its brought up...but he says im over am i?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:46 AM on Jan. 7, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • No, you are not overreacting. Pornography is highly addictive, and it destroys marriages. It's really nothing more than adultery. Every time he looks at those women, he is fantasizing having sex with them. When he married you, he promised to be exclusively yours. That's what marriage is. There is no way those two things can be compatible and it is perfectly normal and acceptable that you would not like what he is doing. Most women take this entirely too lightly. Pornography is an addiction, pure and simple. There are organizations who can help people get free from it. One of those is run by Dr. Doug Weiss. He has a book entitled THE FINAL FREEDOM and his webside is If this were my husband, I would explain to him that I was not going to share him with any other woman. I would offer to help him get free from porn. I would give him a choice. I do not believe in divorce, but I would leave him.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:06 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • i think if it hurts your feelings, then your husband should respect that. i'm the same way - i have tried to be okay with it, but there is something about knowing my man is getting off to watching other women that makes me want to puke.

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 6:10 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Should you "let"? Really? Are you his mother?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Ok, first, I have to say there is no "let". Everyone is an adult, so it's not something you can really let or not let him do. That said, you are entitled to feel however you feel, whether that is that it is wrong, or you are uncomfortable, or that it's perfectly fine, or anywhere in between.

    While he is an adult, capable of doing what he wants, he is also your husband, and as such, should respect you. Part of that respect includes hearing you out, thinking about what you say and taking your feelings into consideration when making decisions. This is one of those situations where he should, at the very least, be trying to find a compromise. You are not overreacting, b/c he is showing you a complete lack of respect. If he were at least trying to compromise with you, that'd be different, but he seems to be on his own little tangent, and it completely goes against you. I would see if he would consider counseling; it *may* help.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:24 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • I am with tropicalmama 100%. Usually I am very for the sexual exploration of pornography in both men & women, but this is less about the porn & more about your relationship. Seek a relationship counselor, preferably one with an intimate relations sub-section (most relationship & marriage counselors, not so much family counseling). What is going to have to happen is compromise on BOTH parts, not just his or yours. It may take some time & a lot of working on, but good things can happen.

    Answer by WannabeMommy87 at 6:59 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • anon 623 read my mind...

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:59 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Men are so into porn as they are more visual creatures than women are. I'd rather tolerate the porn than adultery. Also, if it means less work on your part, why not?

    Answer by Ewadun at 7:06 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Occasional porn is probably harmless. There are some men that take it a step too being obsessed with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Yes. Everyone watches it. Even women. Im sure a lot of men are offended when their wives buy dildos. Think about it...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 AM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • 'I' think you are over reacting. I see nothing wrong with it, unless he is HIDING it. You should try watching with him. It's kinda goofy, but can be a really good thing to start your night off with!

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:47 AM on Jan. 7, 2010