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how to deal with ungrateful stepchildren

i was always nice and respectful to them even when they bad-mouthed their mother until recently i'v had enough of being used and disrespected and they are causing conflicts in my once joyous marriage

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Jan. 7, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (4)
  • Do not talk to them, let your DH deal with them.

    Answer by louise2 at 1:11 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Ask yourself why you expect gratitude?
    If you are doing the right thing then their reactions shouldn't matter. Plus, their relationship with their mother SHOULD mean more than yours with her.

    Answer by Piskie at 2:02 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • As a stepmother, you have to be careful not to blur any boundaries with your stepchildren. First of all, they might be badmouthing their own mom to see how you will react, or to perhaps manipulate you to get their own way. Unfortunately children of a divorce situation learn manipulation at a young age especially if it's a bitter divorce. I am a mother of three and a stepmom to a son. We operate as a family and my husband and I have always raised our children to respect their parents, including our ex's even if they are wrong. I would ask them to not badmouth their mom in your presence because it shows disrespect and ungratefulness. Stepchildren often can play both ends against the middle and sometimes even divide and conquer their parents. Stay firm and on the same page with your husband at all times. Good luck.

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 12:51 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • As a once step child I can tell you that sometimes the best thing for you to do is step back and let their biological parents deal with them. I agree with twinkletoes0408 in letting the children know you won't listen to them badmouthing their mother, and tell them if they have a problem with her they should either talk to her about it or talk to their dad and have him handle it from there.

    It's hard being the step child, bad enough having two parents now they have 3 or 4! I had a stepmonster, not a step mother, so I am not the best to give advice, but do know what it was like being a step child. :) Best of luck to you!!

    Answer by Michellek89 at 1:32 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

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