Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I'm going crazy!!!!! Please help!!

Hi, I'm 22 and my daughter is 4. I live with my grandparents. I'm seeing someone, but we aren't living together or anything. He is not my childs father. Ok so there are the facts. Now my problem is... I cant get my gandparents to work with me on the raising of my child rather than against me, Suchas, EVERYDAY my grand father brings my child a full size hershey's chocolate candy bar, and EVERYDAY my grandmother brings my child a new toy. Now.... EVERYDAY!!!! I'm over weight and on a strict diet. My daughters dad is also over weight and has diabeties. Can you see were i have a problem with the chocolate? I want her to be healthy and that is not even close to it. And the toy everyday... i just dont agree with. I feel like its teaching her bad values. i've suggested that my gma maybe buy her one small toy once a week as a reward if she is good all week, or something like that. Theres so much more, but please give me advice, thanks

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Jan. 7, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • unfortunately you are dealing with people who are set in their was, possibly even think they know more than you because of their age/experience.

    the only real solution is moving out.

    I really wish I had better advice for you. But like I said, they are set in their ways, not much you can do to change them.

    maybe take the candy and toys and put them away.

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 1:14 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • They are grandparents, they are supposed to spoil their grandkids. Now, most grandparents don't live with their grandkids so it usually isn't a problem.
    They are old, they are not going to change. They are not going to stop doing what makes THEM happy simply because you don't agree with it. Plus, it's their house right? You don't like it, move out. When it's your house you can make all the rules you want and people will have to abide by them!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Talk to them, explain your reasoning and I am sure you will win them to your side. If that doesn't work, you will have to move out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • ok this is continued.... its still me. They do things like when they salt there food, they also salt hers (BAD)!! My gma is acking like my daughter is her own child. she even encourages her to call her instead of mema, mommy! Thats very hurtfull. I have talked to them over and over about this but it only gets worse. They say that im just mean, im not mean. I just want my child to have the best that i can give her, and i dont mean toys. i mean morals, goals, learning, respect. They dont realize things that happens now affects her in the long run.

    Answer by Ohgoodness87 at 1:15 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • op, grandparents often live vicariously their own parenting days through their grandkids, you live in their house, until you do you will have no other alternative to live by their rules. Yes she is your child, but if they are providing for you and your child by way of a home, nothing will ever change until you are out on your own. What you say they are doing will not harm this kid in any way, all she will remember is happy memories of grandparents who loved her, how can that have a bad outcome?

    Answer by older at 1:23 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • I would tell them that you appreciate that they let you live there but if they refuse to accept your rules that you will start looking for some where else to stay. First explain to them that you do not want you DD's food salted and that the next time this is done you will not allow her to sit next to her grandparents for dinner any longer. Also simply tell them if they bring her chocolate or toys more then once a week for now on you will take them. This is the hard part if they refuse to do this and also try sneaking these items, you need to find a place to stay without them. Check into something like section 8 housing I know that there are pretty decent section 8 houses around our town, and you only pay what you can afford.
    As for they are old and can do what they want, that is in correct, nothing gives someone else the right to out and out say call me mommy. That is just terrible to say to a child.

    Answer by PsychMommie at 1:31 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • tell them that she has to earn them by doing good things. put up a sticker chart and say she has to fill it up by doing (make a list of things that you want to see her improve).... best of luck to you. you live in their house, you could move out... that would solve it too. what does your SO have to do with the issue?

    Answer by AmaliaD at 2:11 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • You need to move out. That is the only thing I can see working.

    Answer by mompam at 2:40 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.