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voicing his opinion

I have a step son who will be 4 next month. Dh and I got married in June, and since then I've have been teaching his little boy independence. I literally had to teach him to take OFF his own socks, dress and undress himself, potty train, and to clean up after himself. We're working on speech now. I think bc so much was done for him, thats why he has problems speaking. Ok, down to my question. He had an early nap, so woke up a little after lunch time. I asked him what he wants for lunch. And he kept saying me eat lunch. I'd again say what would you like for lunch? And again and again the same like 3 times. Then he said his belly is full and didnt want to eat. Is it wrong for me to wait until he says I want___. IDC if he said candy, i would then say how about a sandwhich. Is that wrong? Now he keeps talking about our youngest who ate a cracker.....why wont he ask for something to eat? cont...


Asked by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Jan. 7, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I agree, if he's new to making requests or voicing his opinion it could be way too overwhelming for him. Give him 2 or 3 options to choose from to start. Do you want this, that or those? That way you don't have to turn down his choice because it's inappropriate (like candy for lunch), that could end up stifling his desire to make choices at all (I tell her what I want and she always says no, so I just won't say anything).

    As for getting dressed or any aspect of this, you've got to expect him to regress on occasion. If he's still not wearing pants an hour later maybe you will still need to help him. Not do it for him, but just offer some assistance, and you can build a choice into it - do you want to do it yourself or should I help, I'll hold them and you can step into them, you do the button and I'll help with the zipper. Good luck.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 6:07 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • OP here-- for bkfst he said he wanted a banana but there were none left. so he's capable, but sometimes he will just sit and stare expecting you to hand over food or whatever you have......i get aggravated, and i would like to say i've never skipped a meal before, but he just refused to tell me what he wanted. he kinda does the same getting dressed. he's capable now, but sometimes will refuse, and an hour later still not have his pants on......any insight maybe?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Dont ask open ended questions. Give him 2-3 choices. Do you want peanut butter, turkey dog, or soup for lunch? If this is new to him then an open ended question will be too much.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Sounds like you need to give him some choises like. What would you like a sandwich or mac and cheese(or whatever). It is always best to give them a choise. You want him to be indipendent but you dont want him asking for..candy for lunch and then when asking for it you turn him me that is not a good idea. Good Luck

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 5:49 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • If the mother has custody and the father has visitation every other weekend then this is not your job. It is NOYB.

    If you have to spend 24/7 with the child then you maybe should be 'teaching' your husband's child. It sounds like you may need to do some reading on child development and parenting. You are frustrated because you don't have the skills you need.

    The suggestions about giving 2-3 choices are right on.

    You don't make young children miss meals because they don't speak the way you would like them to speak. If you were looking for him to say I want an apple and he says me want apple, then as you hand him the apple you say I want an apple. Don't make a big deal out of food.

    Answer by Gailll at 6:03 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • I would just give him options no more then 3 id say. If he then chooses to act like that and not answer then i would tell him thats his choices and he has until the timer goes off to decide if he doesnt choose he doesnt get anything. Or if he chooses something thats not an option i would then state his choices to him again. Its new, hes going to test the boundaries and push you to your limit to see how far he can go. Just stay strong be confident that your the parent and your making parenting choices in his best interest. He will learn eventually. I had to do that with my 2 year old. I would ask him what he wanted and showed him 3 items he would tell me no mom that! i would ignore it obviously because it wasnt something i was offering after a few days he got the hang of it and now hes very pleasant to deal with on those matters

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Jan. 7, 2010

  • Thanks ladies! Like i said I've never made him miss it before this. he started to say he wasnt hungry after (which has happened before and it ended up almost a fight bc i was making him eat something for breakfast). i appreciate the help. the choices make sense, guess i wasnt thinking clearly ( i will admit too i had such a bad headache this morning i wanted to puke). as far as putting his pants on. he doesnt have to button or zipper them alone. and things like i'd keep handing them back to him the way they go on, and then walk away, and he still wouldnt put em on, they'd be on the floor. and so on...the same thing over and over. as soon as he puts them on i help button and zip.
    yes we have him except every other weekend. i'm sure its been a lot for him in 7 months, but like i said, i wasnt in the best of moods earlier, soooo i mark that in the "my bad" column....thanks again!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Jan. 7, 2010