Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My best friends ex, going on tour, suicide

My best good friend is going on a tour again in Afghanistan, his ex won't let him see his kids( 8-16) She did it the last time he went to Iraq, it messed him up so now he has a self complex that no one cares. His dad won't speak to him(due to the divorce) and will make a big deal out of his brothers but not him.

I want to talk to them about the crappy way they treat him.... but at the same time it isn't my place to go saying things, but I don't want him to go back there and be depressed enough to try something like try to kill himself just to make his father proud and to give into pity or take his ex's advice and kill himself.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Jan. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • He needs to get a court order to see them. Since he is in the military they should be able to help him out.

    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 1:01 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • sounds like he's depressed. is there any way that they can postpone his deployment until he gets a little better and just ship out with a different company? i agree- he needs to get visitation rights asap.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 2:40 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • He can and should go through the military courts and get visitation. You can speak with the base chaplin if you are afraid he will hurt himself.

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:45 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • *OP posting again*
    he is depressed but found a way to get around the phych evauls plus he has a buddy who is in charge of that sort of stuff... because he says he can't afford not to work he is a sgt in the army.
    He is afraid to upset his ex into taking away the weekend visits he has. she blames his tours as being a unfit father.
    I def will talk to the chaplin I just so want to do something before he goes.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • You've lost me, because you said that he's afraid she'll take away the weekend visits he has. So is he getting to see them on those weekends? If not, take the court papers to the police department and have them to escort him to pick the children up for them.
    If you're his friend, then by all means when the topic is brought up about him, then you should say "you know, it's not right how you're all talking about him, or what you're doing... could you live with yourself if something happened to him while on tour?"
    The kids NEVER deserve to be kept from a parent who loves them and is wanting to see them so long as the children aren't in danger.
    If your friend is as depressed as you make it sound, I am positive that he couldn't pass the physch evals, depression can't be turned off when it suits you or everyone would do it and if his buddy lied on those papers and sent him on tour knowing he's emotionally/mentally not there....

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:32 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • There are ways of getting around the psych evals, and that is to LIE. People do it all the time unfortunately because they are afraid of the reprocussions. He should seek help. Military has free counselors, psychologists, and pyschiatrists that he can see. He may be afraid to go for help because when people go for help right before a deployment, others look at them as they're faking just to get out of it. It's horrible, but it's a fact, and I understand why he is afraid. What he needs is support and to be reassured that it is okay to go for help. As for his children, well the military doesn't handle civil matters. He can speak to a legal representative, and they can point him in the right direction, but the military doesn't offer civil services. Plenty of resources are available, but if he doesn't open up and seek assistance, they're no good to him. If you are truly worried about him hurting himself, try to contact his command

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 10:07 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.