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My stepson implied today that he can treat his mom like crap and lie about her because he is better than her

We have tried everything in our power to get him to understand that people are people, no one is better than another. But when you are 8 and one house is bigger with more/"cooler" toys, clothes, electronics, everything and the one house gets to do fun things like movies and plays and eat out together, it is hard for that to not come into his head. His mother has a lot of mental health problems that make a lot of things most people take for granted extremely difficult for her and that doesn't help things. I am just not sure how we should handle it from here. His dad and I have been together since he was 1, and his mom came back into his life after an 3 year absence when he was about 4. I can understand why he would feel this way with everything he sees, but I thought that we had been doing an effective job of combating this. My husband thinks that we should be honest with her, but I think it would cause more harm than good.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Jan. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • Someone must be putting that thought in his head. ( not exactly you or dh just someone)
    My son is 6 and he doesnt care about house size or toys.
    His father on the other hand thinks bigger is better, but he is a jerk.
    Mrs.Owen86

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 10:11 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Well tell him others may think his mom house is cool. Then ask him what he'd think if one of his friends said mean things about his mom? I know its not easy but make him aware that sometimes we have to be nice because we can not because we have to be. Then ask him if his friends thought his "cool" house wasnt what would he think? Would he like what they said? Well then ask him what is the difference? His Mom's house or the cool house? Things are different but if someone loves you its the same. Hope this helps.
    Have a great day!:)
    CloudWeaver

    Answer by CloudWeaver at 10:22 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • sounds like a remark you or your dh has made and he is repeating. Of course one house can be cooler, any kid would say that...but the remark is just plain ugly and only something someone who hated the mother would say
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:26 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • i just re-read it..sorry.....you are saying he "implied" it...meaning that he did not say it but thats how you feel he feels?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:27 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • i'm sure if you and dad are giving him better things he enjoys being at your house...it doesnt mean that he doesnt love his mother. A mothers love is unconditional and no matter what material things she has to offer.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:29 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • I don't think telling her would do any good, I think it would hurt her feelings. I think that you need to have a good conversation with your boy about not being so materialistic, which is hard because he is eight. There isn't anything you can do to prevent these comparisons, and he noticed them. Now the thoughts that he is better than her, he needs to get a little grip on reality. I think that you should start giving him a real outlook on life. I would start talking to him about the things that he takes for granted and make him work for them, I would get him to volunteer where people do not have the best of life. I would make him understand that you have those things because you have to work hard to keep them, which kind of puts his mom in a bad light....no win, gosh I know what I am trying to say, I just can't seem to explain it....ugh....one of those days!
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 10:30 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • are you in any way trying to win his love?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:30 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Op here again

    What he said was something along of the lines of "I don't think the way I act with her hurts her" I asked him why he felt that way, because if someone told lies about him and made every mistake you made into some world war event, he would be hurt. Why would it be different for her? To which he responding "She doesn't feel like actual people. I am not mean to actual people, just her." So I asked what that meant by actual people(assuming he was thinking parents are just parents, not being able to see them as anything else) and he said "Like people who have jobs and do their own shopping and clean their own houses. Not people that don't do anything and have everyone else take care of them. We are actual people. She isn't"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • well maybe he sees through her and doesnt feel sorry for her.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:38 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • if he hasnt gotten any ideas from you or dad it sounds like he may be a very mature 8 yr old
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:40 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

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