Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it possible?

To fall out of love with someone fast? Like to have a revelation about something and just realize that person isn't ever going to change? My boyfriend of the past 9 months has never really been that good to me, and I have bent over backwards to try and make things work between us, because I believe I truly loved him. The last time we talked he got on this kick about how he regretted dumping this one girl years ago because she was so good to him. I was like HELLO that's whats going to happen between us STUPID. After that one conversation I havne't felt the same, I really don't care anymore if things work out or not. I just wish I hadn't wasted so much time on him. I wonder if I really loved him, I think I did, I would have done anything for him but now it's just different.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:05 AM on Jan. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • it's better that you know now after 9 months instead of years and being married. I had a guy in my past that i totally fell for and he was horrible for me. I too bent over backwards because i was so dead set on making it work. He was all screwed up with drugs and irresponsible to say the least. Things got really ugly towards the end and i decided i had had enough and i didn't like where my life was going. I left. Years and years later he found me online, all apologizing and wishing he had me back. I am happyily married now and have way more going for me, and he is still a loser. So, don't worry about wasting your time, something good will come along and all that time wasted will just be a stepping stone to get to your true happiness. Good luck.

    Answer by xtwilightx at 11:10 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • It sounds like you were in love with the man you wish he was, and that you wanted him to be, and now you have finally woken up to the fact that he is NOT that person.

    Did you feel in love - probably, from the sounds of it. Do you love him - probably not, honestly - you loved that image of what you wanted him to be, not the REAL him - the guy who treats you bad, etc.

    At first in a relationship, you're going to have that emotional high, lovey, mushy stage, then, the more you get to know them, the more you either 1) fall in love for real, the lasting, committed to each other, make the choice to be there for each other sort of love, or 2) you realize this isn't the person you want, or who you thought they were. If it's the 2nd, then you either waste a lot of time, energy, and heartache trying to make them be the person you want, instead of the person they are, or you accept it and move on.



    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:12 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Oh, I forgot to add - my grandma gave me some good advice yrs ago. It was "Before you get married, keep both eyes open. After you get married, shut one of them."

    In other words, you need to keep both eyes open, and if you don't like what you see now, you're not going to like it any better a month from now, or a yr from now, or so on. But, once you do find that person you have a real love for, and you get married, you need to "shut an eye", because you're going to find that there's going to be SOMETHING about him that irritates the crap out of you (lol, just like there will be something about you that irritates him). But, for the sake of what you do love, you'll have to overlook it. (lol - I know it bugs my dh that I don't feel the need to be 15 minutes early to everything. I hate when he turns on the tv and turns the vol. down and plays the stereo at the same time... We both live with it...)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:18 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Yes it's very possible! It's good that you realize it and value yourself enough to want to get away from him. You obviously deserve better than what he's offered you in the past 9 months, and should cut off ties with him if you don't love him anymore. Just be honest with him and let him go. There is better out there. Good luck!

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 11:19 AM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Yes. Dump him and don't take him back because he will come crawling back. BTDT

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • I don't think it was love but it doesn't matter what it was, it's not going to do to invest more time in a man like that. Use it as a learning experience so it's not wasted time. Now go find a nice guy who respects women.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:44 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.