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I sort of have an "opposite" problem with hubby and porn TMI!

I'm okay with porn, to an extent. I don't think it should be an every day thing and most guys end up addicted to it. But occasionally it's okay. Here is my issue, in the past hubby was watching quite a bit of porn and it interferred with our relationship, I confronted him, he stopped. Now to the present, he has ordered a pay per view movie back in September, then 2 in December, and 1 just two days ago. He is laid off for the winter and I am at work. The thing is, the movies he watched in December were in the morning AFTER I gave him oral and then left for work. Then this time we had sex on Tuesday night and he watched the movie on Wednesday morning. So it's not like it is taking the place of our sex, and he isn't getting worked up watching it and then coming to me, he watches afterwards and I don't get it. And he NEVER asks me to watch it with him. Please give me some points of view on this.

 
TarLion

Asked by TarLion at 1:23 PM on Jan. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (736 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Maybe hes still turned on from the night before and doesnt want to over-do it or push his luck too much. I know my husband is that way. My hubs was ordering 1-2 movies a mo. and not telling me. I found out when I got the bill. Made me mad just because those movies are expensive! It costs the same to buy that shit, and we have them for free on the computer! Not that I am ok with it but on occasion, whatever. I set parental locks. So it doesnt happen anymore :)
    ARichey

    Answer by ARichey at 1:00 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Men are weird beasts. Honestly I would talk to him about it. My guess is that he is getting so worked up with you that his brain is thinking about sex more after your activities. But I am not him...talk to him. Open honest conversation is always best. Anytime either partner starts making assumptions it causes more problems.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 1:27 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Be careful it doesn't get out of control again now that he is home and has more time on his hands. Once in Sept, twice in Dec and now Jan too sounds like more might be coming. Talk to him about it and just ask. I have personal issues with "porn" so I don't like it at all but I know everyone is different. If you are ok with it, I am sure you and he can talk this out to where both of you are happy.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 1:30 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • He's just wanting the excitement of re-living what he did with you the night before but you are not home. It's a compliment. A lot of wives don't get porn but if they realized men are just getting themselves geared up to please his wife they might not be so negative about it. In your case he's saying you rocked and he's just using the movie to get him back where you can take him in real life. You rock!!!!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:34 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Uhh.. am I the only one who feels that MY BODY ALONE should be enough to get him excited? And am I the only one who wants my mans eyes wide open and on ME, not closed and off in imaginary-ville with porn images floating around in his head getting him excited??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • No anon 34 you are not the only one, that is how I feel but I know others think different and thats ok.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 1:42 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • You need to ask him why he never asks to watch it with you. You're his wife...but be his FRIEND for a moment & talk to him about it on a friendly level so that he does not feel threatened in any way. If there is no threat of a threat...lol, men are more likely to open up about that kind of thing.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:43 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • I don't have a problem with him watching it, like I said, as long as it doesn't get carried away and start replacing me. I have to say that after the times in December, sex was rocking for a while and he even did some things that he doesn't do very often, much to my pleasure. I just didn't get it as to why he would watch it AFTER we did it, LOL. I am watching to make sure it doesn't get out of control again, but at the same time that means I am going to know every time he watches it. I am going to try and talk to him about it, so we will see where it goes. And anon, although I understand your point of view, our society is BOMBARDED every day by sexual images on tv, in magazines at the grocery store, just everywhere. So the images in a man's head don't just come from porn. And thanks admckenzie, whether it's true or not you made me feel better!
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 1:45 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Samurai chick, I agree. When we had the problem before and I asked him that, he said it's because there are some things a guy just has to do by himself. I wasn't satisfied with that answer but it's all I got. I know this is the chicken way around it, but I sent him an email and asked him why he won't watch it with me. I asked if he thought I would not be interested or if it was something he wanted to do alone. I told him I was not mad, I just didn't understand. So we will see how he replies. Yes, I emailed him because when I start discussing things I sometimes become to vocal about it and I don't want this to be an argument. We have a good marriage and we are friends, and I want to keep it that way.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 1:48 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • First of all . Few men become addicted to porn. Not most.
    Secondly, if porn isn't interfering in your relationship or sexual lives, then why does it bother you that he watches it?
    Talk to him. On a casual and friendly level. If you go at him with an attack, then he will feel threatened. Which will lead to defensive behaviour and him shutting down. If you go at it friend and casual he's more likely to open up to you.

    Talk to him. We don't know. Just talk to him.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:51 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

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