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What should my 14 year old step-son consider before moving in with us?

My 14 year old step-son told my DH and methat he wants to live with us. He hasn't talked to his mom about it yet and she is going to flip. He is welcome at our home and his mom is great. I want to make sure we are encouraging him to think about all aspects of this decision before he makes the move.

Advice please... what should he be asking himself?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Jan. 8, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Will a simple change of location fix what ever is bugging me or do I need to fix something with in me?

    Or perhaps he simply needs more time with dad. My son is 13 and even when he butts heads with dad I can see how much he is getting from dad. Dads are VERY important in raising boys into men.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Why do I want to leave my moms and go to my dads?

    Will I have to change schools, leave my friends?

    Am I thinking I want to live with them till I turn 18 or is this a short term thing?

    Answer by okmommy08 at 2:43 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Also you need to think about what rules you want him to follow and lay them out for him ahead of time and let him know them now. Tell him that those are the rules and if they get broken, they have consequences, and you intend to follow through. Being with you guys in not going to be an easy ride, if thats what he is thinking. Ask him his reasoning for the move. Is it school? Probs with mom or someone in moms life maybe? Get to the bottom of this. And if it's in his best interest then great, welcome him in, but make sure it's not just some teen angst issues with his mom that he needs to deal with head on first.

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 2:50 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • I'd ask him what he has already considered. I'd ask him how he thought his mom would feel. If it's his decision I'd ask him how he came about making that decision and what he expects will be different with dad.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:28 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • If this choice is a genuine want to be at step-mom and dad's, or is this just to punish mom? I don't know how your SS handles situations, but I know there are kids who will punish mom by moving in with dad. Whether it be because she doesn't let him get away with things or what have you.

    Also, make sure he knows the house rules if he doesn't already. If he is going to move in thinking he has the same rules as mom's house then he might not agree it's the right choice. Make sure he knows what is expected of him at your house. Clean room, rinsing up your dinner dishes, curfew at 9:00 .. whatever it is.

    If you two aren't in the same school district, then make sure he understands that he'll have to move schools. Which means new classes, new friends, new set of rules.

    Then just talk to him about why he wants to move in with you guys, what brought him to this choice, etc.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:09 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • OP here: Step-son won't need to change schools. I don't think is trying to get back at his mom, but he is not happy in his current living situation. The mom re-married to a very nice man, but there are now 6 people in the house. The mom and step-dad have recently gotten very religious. They got rid of cable, aren't allowed to watch anyting but G movies, spend evenings reading like Little House on the Parrie, the kids aren't allowed off their street, go to church 3+ times a week.

    The other kids at the mom's house like the environment and even my step-daughter is thriving. But my step-son is not. He feels very stiffled and is being mean to his mom bc he is unhappy. I think the mom will be devastated when he tells her he wants to move. I really want him to think about it bc she is a great mom and loves him very much. He is welcome at our house, but I just want him to think it through.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • It sounds like he already thought about his decision. If he is not happy at his mom's then he needs the opportunity to live with his dad (and you). He is uncomfortable and shouldn't be. His mom is going to be upset but she needs to understand that he can go to court and the judge will listen to what he wants also. This isn't about what mom or dad want, but what is best for the child. Maybe mom and dad and son need to sit down and talk it out. Son needs to be respectful when he tells mom what he wants.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:07 PM on Jan. 8, 2010