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I am SO TIRED of being forced to "let it go"!!!

So, whenever my DH and I have a fight about him hurting my feelings or doing something that makes me angry (we don't fight often, but often enough), DH REFUSES to do anything other than say, "I'm sorry" in a quick, brush-off kind of way. He won't acknowledge my feelings, he won't try to "make up" for what he did by being extra nice or saying something nice to me. He just expects a quick sorry to fix everything. I've told him MILLIONS of times that I need more than that, and I've gone so far as to tell him exactly what I would need to hear in a situation where my feelings have been hurt, but he never seems to try to do those things. And he'll let me go on being angry until I decide that enough is enough and I just have to let it go. I'm TIRED of letting it go, but if I don't then I'll be angry all the time! What do I do to get him to understand that I need kind words and actions to help me get over things???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Jan. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • My Dh is the exact same way. One "I'm sorry" and I should be over whatever it was...and then HE gets mad at ME when I'm not and tries to make me feel like I'm the one being dumb! UGH! Sorry I can't help...just thought I would commiserate what ya. Men are dumb.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 7:13 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • amen to that, when you figure it out let me know
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 7:14 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Sounds like you need to learn the true meaning of forgiveness, you can't dictate how someone apologizes. If you accept the apology accept it without any buts......... meaning you can't say "I forgive you but, you have to say these nice things to me"
    (I learned that in a retreat for trouble marriages) And honestly it's just easier to let the little things go. Good luck!!
    roni2911

    Answer by roni2911 at 7:14 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • my fiance occasionally does the same thing..and its very frustrating indeed!!!! it takes me alot to get over things like he wants me to. I really dont know what you could do....maybe you need a counselors opinion, and maybe look up on Google something about dealing with it and talking to him....
    BABYnME610

    Answer by BABYnME610 at 7:15 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • OP - the things we fight about aren't "little things" like him not noticing a new dress I'm wearing or something. Its like when he lies to me, or makes me feel unworthy of his affection, etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • I know what you mean. If the apology is not sincere, it's not an apology. A quick I'm sorry to end the argument does no good in the long run and the same fight happens again and again.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 7:25 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • My husband is the same exact way, some men just don't understand and don't get how sensitive woman can be about things, you could try what I do sometimes and that is give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it, then when he gets angry and asks why you are doing it tell him you decided that you are gonna treat him the way that he treats you and you learned this new "way" from him. Good Luck!
    jsimonds220

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 7:26 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • When my husband's feelings got hurt, Boy he wouldn't let me live it down nor would he accept "I'm sorry honey." I had to hear it over and over and over, until he felt that I'd got the message. Now when he upsets me, I tell him "No, you're not sorry. You're a sorry MF, if you think you can patronize me like that! Come strong to me hon, or not at all!"
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 7:35 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • omg, we have the same man! I learned he's never gonna give it so I just make peace with it and go on. I can do that or leave and I'm not leaving.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:48 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • I think when they made the man mold they made them all the same lol
    mom2fivekids579

    Answer by mom2fivekids579 at 8:13 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

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