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does your husband, boyfriend, or SO ever do this?

I was watching tv and holding the baby (6mos old) and my fiance came in the room picks up the remote and changes the channel even though i was watching something- then i (not wanting to argue) decide to get online- as i am surfing the web the baby gets fussy and fidgety so i ask my fiance to hold him for a bit so i can relax and rest my arms (mind u- i have been with him all day plus my 3 older boys so i think i am entitled to a little break right?) anyways my fiance gets mad that i asked him but takes him anyway and after 2 minutes hands him back and then my 2 yr old climbs onto me as well so i am holding a 6 month old and a 2 yr old at the same time and my fiance actually gets upset that i ask him to grab one or the other! he was too into the movie he was watching to care that i was struggling with the 2 boys! ugh! i cant stand when he acts like since im the mom i have more to do with them than he does! what to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Jan. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Is that a typical male or what? You need to schedule mommy time for yourself so you are refreshed! And schedule some date nights with your man so you can re-connect. Maybe after you two find some together time and get back into each others vibes, you can express how you feel. Don't attack him, just say how you sometimes need help in the evenings for some short breaks from the kids as you are with them all day. And tell him you understand he works long and hard during the days, and you'd love to help him relax after the kids go to bed. STAY POSITIVE STAY STRONG STAY HAPPY! Best of luck! :)
    aklebeyers

    Answer by aklebeyers at 9:59 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • There is no answer here. When it comes to this type of behavior or responability men and women dee it differently. I agree with the answer above mine, don't attack him, but be honest with him. Use words like "I need your help with the kids" Or say "I feel over whelmed and need a break". Some times you have to have friends give you a break and you do need a date night, this helps your man feel important and it gives you a chance to dress up and have some bonding time. Just remind him that you know he loves the kids but some times you need his help because there is only on you and you can don't it all by yourself. You did not make them by yourself and you should not have to raise them alone, you have a partnership with him and he needs to help you out. Support him and ask him to support you.
    jlbohannon

    Answer by jlbohannon at 10:16 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • I think we're with the same guy. My husband is a gamer, so when he's in the middle of a game he acts as though he's actually saving a country from destruction. I understand that some of his games can't be paused and are online multiplayer, but when I need his help you would think he'd understand that reality is more important. I have felt since the day my son was about 1-2 months old that I was a single mom, even though I am married to my children's father. I still to this day have to fight him on helping out and our son is a year and our daughter is two months. It's ridiculous to think that I have to beg their father to take care of them.

    It isn't the hubbs that grabs the remote so much and changes it without asking if I'm watching something. It's my dad. When he comes to visit he'll ask for the remote. I'll tell him I'm watching something "Ohh I know" but asks again. I know he'll change it, adn if I give in he does. GRR!
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:27 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • Have you ever heard of "cave time" for men? Here's a quick link: http://www.midweek.com/content/columns/theyoungview_article/why_a_man_needs_his_cave_time/


    Maybe you already do this, but I find when I make the effort to let my hubby have his little guy refreshing times - he's extremely more cooperative and contributive to family time. It's a very small sacrifice for a very big reward. 


    We've worked it out where most of his cave time is after the kids go to sleep. Tonight he's going to see some testosterone explosion flick with one of his buddies, and tomorrow, he'll be very sweet.


    (I might add, if you make the extra effort to be extra sweet when he does give you some "me time," chances are he'll be more willing to do it again).

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • It sounds like all this guy gets is "cave time". That's just dumb.

    Sweetie, you have to lay it all out for him. Sit him down and tell him "You are going to help me. I don't care if you don't want to or don't like it. I look after OUR children all day. I do not sit on my ass and eat bonbons. I know you are tired but so am I. So here's what we are going to do....."

    Men really are quite clueless and will get away with doing as little as possible if you let them. Don't let him. Put your foot down, on his nads if necessary.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 PM on Jan. 8, 2010

  • I am so sorry OP!! My husband would NEVER dream of doing this to me. I am of the belief that you teach people how to treat you. Our son is a privilege, as well as a great responsibility. He works outside the home, I am a SAHM. He understands that when he gets home in the evening that I am just as tired as he is and tries to lend a helping hand (esp with our son). It sounds like your fiancee needs a rude awakening!
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 12:46 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • yep yep its so annoying
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • my husband does that to me ALL the time, and we just have our son! It doesn't matter if its a movie or a game he can pause he still gets up set with me. I just tell him that our son is both of ours and when I need help, to atleast help when I ask. I dont usually ask a lot, b/c I am so used to doing everything. Its just a male thing for most part
    leann74016

    Answer by leann74016 at 12:53 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Answered at 12:53 AM on Jan. 9, 2010 by:lean47016


    my husband does that to me ALL the time, and we just have our son! It doesn't matter if its a movie or a game he can pause he still gets up set with me. I just tell him that our son is both of ours and when I need help, to atleast help when I ask. I dont usually ask a lot, b/c I am so used to doing everything. Its just a male thing for most part 


    I resent this! My husband would NEVER consider treating me that way... nor would either of my brother in law's to my sisters or our father to our mother. It is NOT a 'male thing'. It is an irresponsible jerk thing. You teach people how to treat you. My husband is very respectful to me as I am of him.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 1:14 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • lmao anon :38! thats to true! he really does get too much cave time! and I like the tip on putting my foot down on his nads! i might just try it! im just so sick and tired of him always thinking of reasons why he can't watch the kids!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

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