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Mother-in-Law to the Rescue...Conflicting Values

I am currently in college and after I have my baby, I will have one more semester before I graduate! (So excited!) My partner's mom is coming to live with us during that semester, which will be the first 6 months of our baby's life. I truly wish I could stay home and be with my baby all day because we're going to try and practice attachment parenting. However, the best thing for me to do is finish school as soon as possible. I will only have 4 classes, which means I'll only be gone for about 3-4 hours a day. However, his mother is not a naturalist or holistic individual at all and I feel her views on parenting will completely conflict with mine. I'm so grateful to have her coming to help and I don't want to seem controlling or pushy, but I truly believe that by practicing natural and holistic parenting, our baby will grow up strong and healthy. She is a very opionated woman and I do not want conflict to arise in the household.

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OrganicMomnDad

Asked by OrganicMomnDad at 12:23 AM on Jan. 9, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Your kid. Your choices. If you are breast feeding and pumping, that will eliminate a lot of conflict about food. You can ask your doc to write notes for you if you need help convincing her about something. Just don't bring toxic stuff into your house. If she doesn't have the bleach she can't bleach anything.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 12:27 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • It is your child and you have to set up rules beforehand so there is no confusion you don't let a daycare do things you don't approve of why let you MIL? Just sit her down and explain how you want things done, and when you are home teach her and show her your way, stick to your guns or you will have a confused kiddo.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 12:27 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • OMG there's no avoiding conflict with an opinionated MIL !! GOOD LUCK HUN~!! (((HUGS)))
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Talk about it NOW. Discuss it before she even comes. You need her help, so you may have to compromise a little more than you want at first. Just kleep in mind it is short term. Her views are values based on her raising...they aren't 'wrong'..just different from your own. Try to come to an agreement before she comes.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:30 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • I agree...YOUR child YOUR rules...don't be concerned about being controlling or pushy, you have every right to raise your child the way you see fit...SHE is the one who should worry about being controlling and pushy and trust me...she WILL BE!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Wow..I would SO try to find an alternative answer to having your MIL move in, even the most well intentioned MIL's are IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE WITH.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Whatever harm she causes in a few months, can be undone in the years you've got left to be a Mom. I would focus on being patient, tolerant and understanding up to a point. I would also combine discussing with her my household rules and beliefs with documentation to be left around the house for her perusal. Withholding short term immediate gratification for long term goals is part of parenting. Congratulations on the final lap of earning your degree.

    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 12:57 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Hire a doula! I lived with my MIL for two months before I could not take it no more and left. But if you choose to have her like a above poster said breastfeed if possible to eliminate half or more of the issues.
    Brickhouse95

    Answer by Brickhouse95 at 1:50 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Have your partner in on all discussions. She needs to know that whatever parenting method you choose is what both of you want and not just something you've decided to do that he's just going along with. She's his mom so he needs to be backing you and your (as a couple) parenting decisions. And always, always use the word "we". "We've decided not to use ..." "We've choosen to do..." Not "I". Then it's coming from both of you.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 2:28 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • I believe that you are allowed to set the ground rules and the practices in your household. if a problem should arise, pause for a moment a address her with your concern. In-laws respect you better when the are in your household our of respect for you. Of course she is going to want to do and say things that you may not agree with. Firmly yet calmly let her know what you think and ask her to honor your wishes.
    31spoken4

    Answer by 31spoken4 at 5:05 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

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