Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

AM Do you feel your child is better off with you rather than the childs BM

Explain Please

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Jan. 9, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (55)
  • OP here.. Do you think the BM could have raised the child in a happy home

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • I don't think that you will get many answers here. It's taboo and I think that ppl who adopt feel that the BM has made her decision if she gave her child up for adoption.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • it would depend on the person and situation really

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Yes, I think if the BM could have provided a happy, healthy, stable home she wouldn't have given up her child to begin with. I think BM's who think of their child first and make that incredibly difficult decision make the best parental decision of their lives, which actually makes them a good mom. That being said, it is the AM who is the real mom, and yes, I would assume 9 times out of 10 is able to give their child a better life.

    Answer by gramsmom at 10:56 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • It depends. WIth our first adoption, my child would have been fine. She would have lived in very deep poverty and it is likely that many of the things that her Bmom is now able to provide 6 years later would not have existed, but overall, she would have been raised in a home with good morals and a loving Mom even if there wasnt a Dad. Better off is a relative term so I think there are obviously many things where the child is "better off" with now, she would have been okay. I am able to say that with the gift of hindsight though. She now has a job she never would have had if she tried to parent my child and maybe not be in the same relationship, etc.

    For our 2nd, without question my child's emotional medical physical spirtual and educational needs are 100% better met that with her birthmom. I think her birthmom would probably agree or she wouldnt have placed her for adoption.


    Answer by SandalsKitty at 11:10 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • In most cases, yes, which is why adoption takes place in the first place. YES, it does matter if you are not emotionally or financially (without welfare that is) ready to care for a child. Looking at all of the PA posts, there are way too many families that are using this, and it is sad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Definitely. My child's BM is a drug dealing whore who did nothing to get her kid back when the state took him away. She has even said he is better off with me then with her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • About the only thing my daughter would have really lacked was material possessions. I would have done just as good of a job raising her as the couple that adopted her. I thought I wasn't emotionally ready for another child, but realized that I would have been fine and things improved less than two years after her adoption.

    This question seems loaded to me, but I could be misreading. Unless the child was taken by CPS, most of the women who have given up children would have been just as stable and loving as the couples that adopted.

    Answer by randi1978 at 1:04 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • There is a big difference between being stable and loving and being in a position to raise a child. For some woman barely scraping by or being raised by someone who doesnt have all they it takes to parent are not enough. Some feel thier kids deserve better, both those who they raise and the ones they already have.

    Unfortunately, you cant put the baby in a box on the shelf for 2 or 4 or 10 years untiland IF things turn around. I also think that many If women act as if their lives would have been identical to what they are now had they kept their baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Both of my kids' bmoms are meth addicts, so yes, I think they are better off with me. My answer has nothing to do with material possessions. We are not rich by any means. I shop for kids' clothes at the thrift store and go to the discount grocery store. We have mostly secondhand toys, except the ones that were given to them for birthdays and Christmas. We don't vacation in Europe or go to Disney World.

    It is not uncommon these days for sustance-exposed children to be placed through domestic infant adoption, w/o CPS involvement. Drugs are a cancer in our society, as is alcoholism. Addicts get pg just like everyone else. I don't agree that the only necessary adoptions are those where CPS took the children.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 3:09 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.