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Seriously need advice

I've been with my man for about 2 1/2 years now, we have a 9 month yr old daughter together. He also has 2 other kids. Everything is ok between us on the surface..we talk we joke and laugh but sometimes I feel like we've lost that REAL connection. I was reading old emails we used to send when we were away from eachother and it brought a smile to my face..but then realized wow things have changed. I really want things to be like they once were but its different when you have so much going on. Another problem I have..its a big one. .I've caught him numerous times watching porn and these past few nights he stays on the computer while I go to sleep and it bugs the crap out of me cause I know what he's doing. I wasnt born yesterday. I need to talk to him but I dont want him to feel attacked I want to know why he does it so much we have sex just not as often as I'd like...I need to talk to him about this but I need advice..

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Asked by AlexxasMama at 2:24 PM on Jan. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (95 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Sounds like you just need to have an honest conversation with your man. Be completely open and don't hold back anything from him. Talk about your feeling about your relationship as it is now and what you want to see happen more or less often in the future. That might be a good segway into the pornography issue. If you aren't accusatory and stay calm about the subject, it will go over better. You two are in need of a good old fashioned heart to heart. Best of luck to you!

    Answer by CaseyErin at 2:37 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Pornography is an addiction. And just like drugs, alcohol, or gambling, it takes more and more of it to satisfy the addiction. So, in a sense, it's a growing problem. And, as sad as it is, most people can't just stop even if they want to. They are addicted to it, and they have to have it. There are organizations to help those who want to give it up. One of them is sponsored by Focus on the Family, and I cannot think of the name of it right now. There is also a man by the name of Doug Weiss, who is a recovering porn addict himself. He has written a book entitled THE FINAL FREEDOME. His web address is He has personally overcome and I've heard him speak about his own addiction. I don't believe in divorce at all, but I would not live with my husband if he were addicted to pornography. I see it as being nothing more than mental adultery, and I am not willing to share my husband with anyone.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:40 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Talk to him about the porn, tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, or how ever you feel, as for losing the connection, it gets tough when you have a baby, it will get better if you both love eachother. Good Luck!

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 2:51 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Porn isnt as serious as some people make it out to be.. i mean it can be for some guys, but i believe most guys look at it.. it doesnt sound like he has an addiction to it.. it sounds like you guys are having problems and are probably not having sex as much b/c of those problems so he figures it is easier to take care of himself then even bother with you. thats the main problem.. I dont blame you for having it bother you.. its always bothersome to know your guys islooking at naked women and doing "that" while watching them.. but i really think its just b/c your relationship is so strained.. you really need to talk and see whats best for you both and if not being together is it then thats what it should be. thats hard, but in the long run it would make you both happier maybe.
    Good luck!

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 3:18 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

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