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On the average how long do you ground a teenager?

My stepson and my daughter are the same age. 17. I don't believe in groundings that last loner than a week on less it is something severe possibly repeated behavior. However his son has no manners is very rude. And sneaks and does things when just told him no too. Then his dad only grounds him for less than 12 hours and gives back his privledges. So basically when he wakes up in the morning he is ungrounded. He does not care!!! He just goes to bed early knowing when he awakes he can get things back!! URRRR. Then on top of that my husband says...Well I made him make his bed and clean his room. However this is a rule in our house and it is an expectation not a punishment to clean. What do I try next? My kids are very resentful.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Jan. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Tell dad 12 hrs is not being effective. Sit down and discuss consequences for both sets of kids.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:08 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Punishment does not teach good behavior. It makes kids more sneaky and by the time they are teens they will resent and can even come to hate their parents. Don't expect grounding to make a 17 yo become not rude.

    You need to learn some new parenting and communication skills. You can start by reading the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen.

    You might try finding out about some teenage parenting experts by calling a local La Leche League Leader. Yes, LLL is for breastfeeding but it is also about good parenting and LLL holds breastfeeding & parenting conferences. The conferences always includes offerings about teens and local leaders may know some really good local parenting educators or psychologists. There may be parenting classes in your area that they would know about.



    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:09 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Thanks ladies ... And to you Gaill....This was recommended by our family therapist. We have tried several methods since we have been in therapy for 3 years now. I know you are trying to help but he has been difficult. Taking things away that mean something valuable to them is what was suggested since he tends to be self centered and selfish. Hit him where it hurts has the idea. So He actually has gotten better if the grounding is enforced but when the father caves in is when we have the problem. So guess I need to know how to keep my husband from caving in.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Usually just a couple of days worked but they have been grounded for up to a month. It didn't make them more sneaky. It made them appreciate the fact that they had conseqences to their actions and they understood that they did something wrong. We didn't have to ground/.punish often though because for the mots they followed the rules.

    gaiiil, my children are 18, 19, 22 and 23 and every time I see your advice my eyes roll in to my head. I have 1 soldier, 1 college grad, 1 in the Army but not going to basic until after he graduates high school and 1 on his way to college in the Fall (he is also a Senior). Being spanked, grounded, talked to and even yelled at from time to time when they got very frustrating didn't harm any one of them. They are fine young men. How did your method of parenting work out for you? Aren't you raising grandchildren and don't you have a child or two who have used drugs?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • This issue is your husbands fault, your stepson knows that dad won't really punish him so he does what he wants. It has nothing to do with how long to be grounded, what punishment is being given out. Stepson will never learn that his behaviors have consequences because your husband doesn't show him that. Your stepson needed discipline from the beginning and I doubt that he got that. It may be too late to do anything now, he will soon be 18 and an adult. I would make an appointment for family counseling and make husband and stepson go.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:12 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • My son is 15, and when I do ground him, it will be for a week, the longest he was grounded was for 10 days for back talking. We took his Ipod touch, and believe me since then he has been on good behavior.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 7:32 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

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