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I think I made DH feel bad... how do I make him happy while making myself feel better about the situation?

Our baby will be 2 weeks old tomorrow. DH's Mom has come over maybe 3 times. Im glad she is coming over DH loves his Mom dearly... Im going through some kind of hormone imbalance or postpartum depression of some kind. Everything is making me cry and stress out. Well His mother came by yesterday while he was at work. She just came in and took over everything! She took my son from me handed him off to her 13 yo daughter and 11 yo son.. She then told me her daughter had a soar throat... Ugh! Then her son was poking the baby in the face and trying to put his fingers in the babys mouth.. He has long dirty finger nails. im a germophobe! The boy ended up scratching my babys face. Dh's Mom was changing the baby and she was letting him SCREAM. She wasn't trying to calm him or make sure he was okay. He ended up puking up and it was coming out his nose and she was trying to finish changing him while he couldnt breathe.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Jan. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I flipped out! As soon as he got home I told them I didn’t want them back over. His mother didn’t even care her kids were sick or being rough and scratching my baby. She was letting her son poke my baby and all kinds of stuff. I told DH no more. He said “My Mom or just the kids?” I know he wants his mom to see the baby so I said “ No one unless youre here”…. Them coming over just stressed me out even more than I already was. I know it upsets him that I don’t want them here, but theyre super trashy nasty people and I couldn’t handle how they were with my child. Especially while im going through all these hormonal changes. Even if I wasn’t hormonal the way they acted was a NO NO! How do I make him happy while not letting them over to much or at all?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:41 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • wow i wouldve been upset as well, did you explain everything that they did to the baby? did he see the scratch and get mad himself? Next time don't be so shy and speak up and tell MIL how you feel or jump in and take the baby back it IS your child and you DO have say in the situation. Hormonal or not a mom is especially overprotective of their newborn child, I know I was when my son was born but explain to your DH that you don't mind company and all but they need to respect your wishes as well and have a little more common sense while handling your little angel.

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 6:53 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • I wouldn't have to be hormonal to loose it over that situation at all! Sounds like she has a total lack of respect and common sense. I think Dh needs to talk to his mom about it and set some guidelines. If she can't follow the guidelines, then her visitations might just have to be limited to when he is home. Cutting her out of your lives altogether, will only coause more stress with family politics. Try to work something out first, before you cut her out completely.

    Answer by specialwingz at 6:55 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • No one was allowed to see my first baby until I had my six weeks check up except my mom bc we lived with her. She was a clean freak. Once we let ppl see the baby they were not allowed to touch them without washing their hands first and NO kids were allowed to hold him. She let him cry until he threw up? That's just wrong. It only takes a minute to change a baby so she was either slow or doesn't know how to do it anymore. She needs to let you do it. We older moms are around to help guide you not to take over your home and child. I'd tell her that I prefer to do it myself. That's being nice. She had her turn and now it's your turn to learn to be a great mom.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:59 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Well, I think you are justified in how you feel, and what you asked for. If he's upset over that, then, well he can deal with it. You don't need to be stressed out any more then you are. And if someone coming over and trying to take over without asking if you need them to, then that's not good. The baby being scratched with dirty finger nails could lead to an infection. So, I'd flip out, too. Not to sound like a bitch, but at the moment, your feelings are more important then his. And definatly more important then his moms.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:20 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • when they come over take baby in ur bed room and say im putting baby down for a nap i will be out ina few minutes. i breastfed so it was easy for me when i got over whelmed to go into the other room to feed my baby.tell them that baby doesnt feel good and if she tried to take baby say its alright i got him or her.

    Answer by angelairelan at 7:56 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • OMG !!!! I TOTALLY, agree with "admckenizie" on this one !!!!!
    NO ONE, touched my child, without washing their hands first,
    and if you were sick...
    Please do not come over.
    I did not even take my son to the store untill he was well over 6 weeks old.

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 10:33 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • OP here.. I agree. No one touches him without washing their hands. I was in my room. His mother came into MINE and DH room with her two kids and started getting into things and taking over and not letting me have my baby back! I was very angry. I didnt know her daughter was sick,,, and I didnt invite the kids or his mother they just showed up.. She walked in and took the baby and told me to take a nap.. I was like uuh NO!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:56 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Don't blame the way you feel about this situation on hormonal inbalances!! I shuddered a couple times while reading your story, and I agree. Long, dirty fingernails and a sore throat around a tiny little If you explained this situation to your DH as good as you did to us then he should completely understand, and if he doesn't, then he needs to quit being a momma's boy. To spare feelings, just tell him the truth, it is not healthy or safe for a little newborn to be around rough housing, dirty kids. AND, his mom just letting the baby throw up all over his/herself while changing it's diaper...come on...I can definatly see how that sent you into a stress filled rage. The hard thing is that his mother probably thought she was giving you a break, while all along she was making you feel like you'd rather be in labor again as opossed to having her over.

    Answer by sarabur420 at 2:41 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

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