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What am I going to do?

My parents' have threatened to not let me come back to their home after I have my 3rd daughter if I don't get my tubes tied during my cesarean. My husband is deployed and I'm not on the best terms with his mom right now even though she'd take us in in this case but I just don't want to be a burden on her. I have the means to atleast get a hotel until I can find a place but I won't even be able to drive let alone pick up my other 2 kids for 6 weeks. How can they do this to me at such a crucial time?? I don't want to get my tubes tied, not because I want more children I just don't want to, and I especially don't want to just because they want me to and are blackmailing me into it. I'm not giving in and altering my body because of threats. I just don't know how I'm going to take care of the kids all alone after having major surgery.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Jan. 9, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • The big question here that no one is asking is why are your parents demanding that you have your tubes tide??? They don't have the right to tell you to have this done. It is your right to either have it done or not to have it done. I would try and get into base housing. Maybe if your husband is not around when you deliver you can get a friend or your husbands mother to take care of the kids while you are in the hospital. Do not let anyone bully you into doing something you don't want to do!! God Bless and I hope all works out for you.

    Answer by Tracihoney at 9:21 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Go talk to the Ombudsman and see if they can get you into base housing. There's no reason you should have to rely on anyone other than your husband for a place to stay. Your parents have no right to tell you what to do with your body. You don't need this or any kind of stress being pregnant. Don't they care about their grandchild if nobody else? I'm sorry that you're going through this. Like I said, talk to the Ombudsman at your husband's command, explain your situation, and they will help you find a place. Good luck hun

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 8:49 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Tell them you will do it and don't do it. They won't be in the delivery room with you to find out you didn't have it done. After you deliver they won't know any different. Can't you live on base?

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:50 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Oh wow! I can't believe they are telling you you have to do that! What a load of crap! I wouldn't do it either. Can you tell them you did and them leave you alone? Or will they want 'proof'? Can you talk to your doctor and see what you should do? I mean I know you don't want to get it done, but maybe she can help you as to how to handle it. I can't believe they are being so hard on you with your DH deployed and you about to have another child. I am sorry. Best of luck to you and your kids.

    Answer by MommaLaura at 8:51 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • what are their resons for this request?

    Im guessing Im closer to your parents age than your age. It is very hard for a parent to see thier child not be able to support themselves, let alone thier chidren. It really is heart wrenching. And then when said child comes back into thier home time and time again and can not seem to get their life in order and be a responsible parent THAT too is heart wrenching. Perhaps they have your children in their hearts.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • I agree with the last anon. If you can't support yourself or the child you already have, maybe it would be a good idea to get your tubes tied. If you have to rely on others for support then they should have say over what they are supporting. If you don't like it, go out on your own. No one else has to support you.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:17 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • i agree with the two above.. time to have the tubes tied!

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 9:21 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • umm wow, i can support myself just fine. where did you pull that from? i'm just staying with my folks during my husband's deployment because they figured it would be more convenient with the baby coming and i wouldn't be all alone. now they are suddenly pissed about me having a third baby and want me to get my tubes tied. i'm delivering in a few days so i'm literally just f****d! and yes to the other posters, my dad said he would ask the doctor whether or not i had the procedure done.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • i think some of you are either incapable of reading or missing the point entirely. the problem is not money, i have financial support from my husband. the problem is if i don't get the tubal done, i will not be allowed back into their home and since i would have just had major abdominal surgery will be incapable of taking care of the other 2. i wont even be able to drive for 2 weeks. that is my problem. not money. not money. not money....

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • Well... your dr cant tell your parents if you had it done. But Im not advocating you lie to your parents about whether or not you had it done. If you dont want to do it, dont. Have friends, other family members, church members, someone else look after your kids while you recover. Get your own place and have someone come stay with you for a few weeks or something. Its stressful but you can do this. Just dont get your tubes tied because someone else says you have to.

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 9:29 PM on Jan. 9, 2010