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Is your girl bossy?

My little girl is 4, but I'm posting in the older age group for advice. She is very direct, she doesn't understand being quiet to save the other persons feelings. If someone does something wrong, even if it has nothing to do with her, she tells on them. If she is playing with her friends and they want to go play something else, she doesn't go with them or decide stay with the same activity by herself, she stands there and cries to see who will come back. I say 'play what they want to play and they will play your game in a bit', but she doesn't see it that way.
I went to her school yesterday and was very sad. She is isolated much of the time, the kids aren't mean to her, but they leave her alone. She has a hard shell, instead of trying harder to make friends, she tries to prove she is not lonely. Has anyone experienced this? Do they understand more as they get older?

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pat7879

Asked by pat7879 at 9:33 PM on Jan. 9, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 7 (167 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Read into Asperger's which is a high functioning form of autism. I know it is not easy to even think of something like this but if you read into it maybe you can get some answers.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 9:41 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • How do you react when she tattles? Does she get enough attention for positive reasons? There was a little girl who lives across the street from me who at 11 the oldest of the neighbor kids, she seemed only 8 or 9 she was as you described. She's the youngest of her siblings who are so much older they don't live in the house, so basically an only, her parents are strict, and her mom seems to ignore her. They are both busy bodies and the girl will stomp off and refuse to play with the other girls if they don't play what she wants to play. She turned 13 and she seems to have matured a lot last summer, but she's still a little manipulative and likes to control what the group does.
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 11:09 PM on Jan. 9, 2010

  • I don't get upset, I just tell her that she should only tell on others if they hurt her or someone else. Sometimes I'll try to explain that the other kids aren't going to want to play with her if she is always telling on them. She just says 'but they are doing the wrong thing'. I tell her actions are important and determine whether she will have friends or not- maybe too many words for a 4 yo?
    As far as why she does it- She seems confident and loves to perform, she gets plenty of love and attention and she does not act out at home. I think partially it is her personality and partially because she is the only girl with two brothers and a stay at home Dad. She gets her way more at home than she should, either by whining or manipulating. This is her first year in school, I think she is confused when she acts this way at school and it doesn't work out for her. But the year is half way over and she's still not catching on.
    pat7879

    Answer by pat7879 at 4:28 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

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