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Wedding Etiquette: Do we need to bring a gift and if so how much should we spend?

My husband's friend is getting married next month. He is 32, never been married, and has no children. The women he is marrying is 36, has been married FOUR times before, and has 3 children ages 19, 18, and 15. They have been living together for 3 years. After saying they were in no hurry to get married, a wedding date is set for next month. They are getting married at 11am at the court house because they want to leave that afternoon for their big honeymoon vacation. They have invited us to a reception immediately afterwards at a restuarant, but we are responsible for buying our own lunch. So if common etiquette dictates that you spend an amount on the gift equal or greater to the cost of the dinner you are served at the reception, what do you spend when you are buying your own dinner?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on Jan. 10, 2010 in Food & Drink

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I agree with those who said the couples plans are very tacky. You don't invite someone to a reception, party or whatever & then expect them to pay for their own dinner! I would just send a card & be done with it. If they've been living together for 3 years, I'm sure they don't really need anything. That's crazy to have your husband miss work. It would be cheaper just to go out for dinner some evening with them, in a way, that's all you're doing anyway.

    Answer by BlessedMommy64 at 12:11 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • I would buy a gift but spend $50 or less

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 2:02 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • I'm sorry. I'm sure I didn't read that right. You're invited out to a reception where you buy your own lunch? And this came together in a month? Personally, I'd just get them a card.

    Answer by MonicaE521 at 2:15 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Yeah you read it right - we buy our own food at the restuarant, and because its on a weekday and in the middle of the day, my husband and I will have to take time off of work to go. So really its costing us a lot of money to even go. I mean we can afford it I suppose, but still....

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • oops sorry i didn't read that part either, yeah what type of reception is that, thats more like going out to dinner with friends and having to foot the bill i take back the $50 and card will suffice definately!!

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 2:29 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • I would suggest giving him a card with a good divorce lawyers name on it...Sorry, just couldn't resist that one!

    Answer by ronjwake at 2:33 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • I would send a card and my regrets

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:40 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • A card and that's it. It's not very good etiquette having the wedding guest pay for their own lunch IMHO

    Answer by Starfire73 at 8:49 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • They did not have an actual wedding you were invited to and they are having you pay for your own meal at a reception? I would simply send a wedding card congratulating them and not attend nor give them a gift.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Send a card and skip the gift AND the reception. THEY are not practicing good wedding ettiquette, so who cares if you do, lol!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Jan. 10, 2010