Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Hes an Alcoholic..and its breaking my heart.

I am one of 10 children, all by the same 2 parents. I am a middle child. My oldest brother is 28 yrs old and a alcoholic. I get calls from him at all hours of the night, he tells me things i never thought id hear him say. Our father passed away from lung cancer in May of 2000 and thats when my brothers drinking started. Now hes someone no one recognizes and is so bitter when hes not completely trashed. Me and my oldest brother have not had a good relationship in the past..i guess its not so good now, but when hes super drunk IM the one he calls and cries to and begs forgiveness from....
I tried to call him just 10 minutes ago to check on him and his gf answered. She told me that since he woke up at 9 hes been drinking and is passed out on the couch..
Its breaking my heart..and to think that my baby will grow up not knowing his uncle as a amazing part of his life but as a drunkard...
What can I do???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Jan. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Nothing. He has to fight his own demons.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:02 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • I know from experience how hard it is to love an alcoholic, My mother is one, so are 4 of my uncles and my brother. I know it is so hard to deal with. They are always calling me drunk, talking about crazy stuff. I ignore them and usually ignore them and turn my ringer off. I distance myself from them, it is hard but I feel it is necessary, I don't even want my son to know people like that exist let alone have them as one whole side of the family. I sure don't want him to grow up with these same problems. So I keep him away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • He has to want the change and know its possible. He has to see his life is valuable. Love him, don't pity him, pray for him and let him know as much as possible that he is loved. When he calls you, pray for him with him on the phone, when he starts talking crazy start telling him how wonderful he is and bring up great memories from the past. All you can do is love him through this. Talk to his girlfriend and find out if anyone or if she is enabling his behavior. Unless he is a danger to himself you can't get him admitted anywhere. Don't attack him and don't be ashamed of him, he is going through a tough time and may need some tough love but love is the operable word. It sounds like you have thrown in the towel, its not too late for your DD to know her great uncle. Be there for him, that's what siblings are for, don't treat him like a stranger - let the past go. Sobriety is within reach, he has to want it for himself.

    Answer by 1st_LadyD at 3:08 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Call that TV show Intervention

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 3:08 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Buy him some Kudzu Pills... its up to him if he wants to try them or not but maybe if it's infront of him, he will consider it.

    I am so sorry you have to go through this... I hope and pray that things will get better for you.

    Answer by ProudMom_5703 at 3:25 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • My father was a drunk. He died a drunk. There was nothing I could do to change that. I loved my father. Still do. But there was a point where I had to realize that it was his battle, not mine, or I was going to lose my sanity. Contact Al-anon. It's like AA for loved ones of alcoholics.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • He hasn't come to terms with your fathers death or his feelings about it. Its some times easier to drink it away then to actually face it! When my ds passed 9.5yrs ago, I spent the first couple of months sleeping all day until it was time for me to go to work at night, but Friday and Saturday night I was drunk to the point I would pass out. What got me over and out of it was when I got my dd back(CPS took her because there was no answer for his death and I was only 20). I would try to level with him; even if he's drunk!!! Try to get him to tink about your dad and what he would say about his behavior. Point out that your mom doesn't need to bury any one else before she is ready to say good bye(expected death is responded differently to than sudden). Talk to his girlfriend, get your family together and prepare to save him before he drinks himself into death. Don't walk away or give up, because he has done this and is y he's drnk

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 3:31 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • If one parent was an alcoholic you can go to the group, children of alcoholics. You can also go to alanon and talk about your stuff. You can't save him, talk to him while he is drunk, hide his liquor, or all the other nonsense. You can go for you, then get ideas from other people that have lived this dilemma. Alanon is a great place to start for you. Look in the phone book. Any local Alcoholics Anon can also give you a phone number to the local Alanon Chapter. Call them, get times and places of meetings. Since he is only calling you, are you enableing his behaviour because you talk to him when he is drunk. Go to Alanon and find a sponser. You need help from people that have walked the road you are walking on now. with help from a sponser maybe intervention would work they can tell you the procedure to do it. Good Luck in the coming year, Good luck with your brother.

    Answer by SEEKEROFSHELLS at 7:57 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • There's not really anything you can do to change him. He has to be the one to change but you can go to alanon meetings for your own self preservation.

    Answer by Texan1993 at 9:46 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.