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Good friend says he loves me

My friend *Jon* has been a good friend through out the years, recently he gave me a bombshell by saying he wishes he would have made a move years ago, that I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, that no other will compare, even if he finds someone they will come 2nd to me.
His last girlfriend looked like me he told me that he was only with her so he could have his own "Jo"in his mind.

I'm completely devastated because I don't want to hurt him but he knows I'm happily married with a child and another one on the way. I now can't even talk to him or even be around him I don't want to make him feel I'm leading him on but he is also going On tour I just want don't know what to say to him any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Jan. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I would tell him how you feel def do not just 'smile' and let it go on because in a way to a man ( because some cannot take suttle hints) would in a way be leading him on. Just tell him exactly what you told us here that you are a happily married woman now with a family, tell you that you enjoy him as a friend and that you consider him like a brother or a best friend but that is it. If he is a grown up he will understand that you are living your life already and you are NOT going to up and leave your family just because he tells you that. Tell him you will always be there for him as a friend. If this does not work, then you will have to cut ties with him, because you don't want his 'strong' feelings for you to interfere with you and your husbands feelings for one another, and another man in the picture could cause friction in a marriage. Good Luck.

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 10:22 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Why are you devastated? Do you have the same feelings for him, or think you may? Otherwise frankly you should not be so devastated. I would just say exactly what you said here, that you are "happily married" and possibly add that you love him as well but as a friend only (if of course you love him in that way). I am a straight forward no-nonsense type of gal myself. I prefer to just lay things out as they are they so there is no confusion but ultimately it is up to you! Good luck!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 10:21 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • They said it best.

    Answer by rebel07 at 10:32 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • OP here
    by devastated I feel like I lost a friend now I can't see him as that friend anymore
    But thanks for the advice gals!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Its true you may have lost him as a friend I understand I had a best guy friend that did this same exact thing to me and when I explained to him he understood and after awhile we grew apart, but like they say its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, and your family is what's important to you now, so I beleive if you focus on that you will be the most happiest:)

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 10:41 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • Be honest and open with him but definitely tell him straight up that you are happily married but that his friendship means a lot to you. For now he may take a turn for the silent and departed but, there might come a time when he'll come around. It just will take him a little time to get over his harbored feelings for you and find someone whom will make him not want that "Jo" anymore. Then you can get your true friendship back with him but, if you don't be honest and open with him you won't gain his respect. He'll probably need a little time after confessing and being shot down by you but, he'll probably come around if you two have been long time friends. Make sure to tell him that you value the friendship and that you love him as a brother and would never mean to hurt him. He'll understand, though it may take some time, and that is where you'll need to give him some growing space. Good luck hun!

    Answer by AWomansMind at 11:01 PM on Jan. 10, 2010

  • I'm not trying to burst the bubble but many guys say that crap when they think you were the one that got away. They think it could have worked bc they wanted you so bad. I heard that bs at my last high school reunion. If it were meant to be then you two would have gotten together. I'm really not trying to be mean but men are stupid sometimes. They spend way too much time thinking about someone from back then and base their entire life on a girl from the past and miss out on a great girl in the present. You found your Mr Right. Tell him you are flattered but since you found your Mr Right then he should go find his Miss Right. He won't die. He needs to get a real life and quit living in a fantasy life thinking you are the one for him. I'm sure you are great but it's a shame he has wasted a lifetime on a dream. I hope I'm not sounding like I'm putting you down. I'm not. I'm just saying he needs to live in the Now.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:18 PM on Jan. 10, 2010