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Single mom / Selfish Behavior?

My sister is and always has been a single mom. Dad is not in the picture. She's worked 2 jobs and gone to school most of my niece's life. Our mom has helped and me and my husband have helped raise her, but mostly my mom. Now, my sister has never been one to "play" or do games or take to zoo etc.. she only does with her what SHE wants to do.. fine, well now my niece is almost 10 and my sister STILL doesn't do anything, she still goes to school and works one full time job but, the time she could be spending with her daughter is used on reading romance novels, staying up til 4 am on the computer and dating loser after loser, whom my niece now calls most of them "uncles". you can't talk to my sister about this because she see's nothing wrong with this. My niece LOVES her mom but never seems to want to be home because "mama never does anything with me". Question is.. how many mom's out there don't play active parenting roles?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Jan. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • OP: I know its none of my business, that's why I have not said anything. But watching this little girl love and strive for her mothers attention only to be shot down time and time again, I am seeing her become less and les happy, wanting to be alone and secretive more and it scares me! I love her so much and worry is all... she's scared of her mom so she will never talk to her about it - my sister is VERY strict and not a person anyone can talk to. its her way or you are wrong anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • This has nothing to do with being a single parent, this has to deal with being a suckie parent. Even in a two parent household I would find this unacceptable.

    Being a single parent myself, I have made sacrifices so I can be in my son's life as much as possible.
    dakotaNrye

    Answer by dakotaNrye at 12:13 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • OP here: Shes' very strict with my niece, that's GREAT, nothing wrong with that but completely not loving or if my niece is sick her first reaction is :"gross, get away from me, I don't want to get sick:" as if this is a funny joke - she has guy after guy in her life and never asks how my niece's day is.. staying up til 4am on facebook or computer games when she knows she'll be a pile the next day??I am a new mom with a son to a 2 year old so I just don't know how being a mother changes as kids end up getting more independent... is it "normal" to just let your child sit in there room playing games or watching tv or wanting to spend the night at aunties or grandma's house any chance they get?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Wow... that is seriously none of your business. That is your sister's problem. If your niece is unhappy, she is ten, she needs to be speak to her mom. You cannot change a mother's way of raising her child if she feels it's fine. Sorry.... keep you nose to yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I don't find this normal or acceptable behavior from a mother. There is nothing wrong with letting kids play a bit by theirselves or letting them spend time with family BUT not on an hourly or daily basis. Kids need interaction with their parents, this is what teaches them to be parents later in life to their own children.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 12:22 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • i kinda feel sorry for her, she seems to have A LOT on her plate. on the other hand, she needs to grow up, she chose to keep the child, that means raising it, too. not just paying the bills.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 12:24 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I hate when people say mind your own buisness or to keep your nose out of it..... it is her business because 1. its her family and 2. she said she has helped "raise" her....you are one of those people who would see a child being abused and keep walking becuase " its none of your buisness"

    Anyways to answer your question OP -- Since she is already ten and I mean basically has lived this way her whole life ( with a mom who pretty much acts like a sister) .... There probably isnt really anything you could do.... If you complain or talk to her about it, maybe she would get mad and try to prevent you from seeing niece....And when someone is having that much "fun" just talking to her isnt going to make her stop... unless your mom is really having a problem watching her and stuff, maybe just try and leave it alone and be there for your niece ... sorry if that wasnt much help
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 12:26 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Is there any way you can become a caring part of your nieces life? If not, you can look forward to her falling in love with loser after loser and having neglected baby after neglected baby. I think you are asking us for permission. You don't need our permission and your sister doesn't really care. Do what you know you need to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Oh, and if she hasn't finished school after ten years, it is obvious she is just going for the "social" glory.
    dakotaNrye

    Answer by dakotaNrye at 12:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Unfortunately motherhood is not always instinctual. Its a learning process. In stead of bashing your sister maybe finding ways to show her might be a benefit. I've been a single mother since my husband left me 5 years ago and I'm sorry to say that I did the same thing to my son for a while. I was fortunate enough to have some wonderful friends who supported me and "gently" held me accountable for the way I raised my son.

    CKasting

    Answer by CKasting at 12:35 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

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