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Friends Who Dont Take Advice Well..

I have a few friends who have children younger then my son.. We are all young moms and I was lucky I have worked in the medical field and helped raise my younger brother so I knew kinda what I was doing after I had my son.. But I still had those questions I was to emmbarressed to ask my mom or my son doctor and my sister has a child older then my son so I could ask her and I also had this site to ask.. Well when I see other mommys I know doing things like letting there 2 cats sleep in the crib with there child I want to tell them what can happen if they do that..I'm only trying to be helpful but they always take it personally and get offended and tell me they want to figure it out on there own with out any help.. Well I couldnt stomach if I didnt tell them hey letting the cat sleep in the crib with your child could kill your child,and then it happen.How do you deal with moms like this? Do you just not say anything or do you?

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TristansMommy16

Asked by TristansMommy16 at 1:08 AM on Jan. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • Well to be honest, I think you have the right to say something. If something is happening and its putting a childs life in danger than you should say it regardless if the parent or whatever will get mad or upset them. Because at least you know you did what you could, and myabe just you saying it ( even if they get mad ) they will think about it. Because who isn't gonna think twice if someone told them by letting your cat sleep with your child that could kill them? I would say something. I would never step on any toes about how to raise your child or what punishments to give them, but i would def say something if someone's life was in danger. My best friend has a friend that drinks and drives with her kids... i asked her one time in front of ppl if she planned on driving with her kids after she was done here...and she didn't have much to say, i'm sure it embarresed her BUT I knew she planned on it. And of course she did.
    sexy_can_i

    Answer by sexy_can_i at 1:20 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I would just limit what I say, if you think something they are doing is going to hurt or kill there child then tell them everything else let them figure it out on there own, you live and learn and sometimes people need to do just that, and if everything is going to be told to them that might make them feel like a crappy mother, sometimes we just need to learn on our own. Me personally I have the common sense to know what will hurt or kill my baby, any other advise someone wants to give me it's not welcome unless it's asked for, I'm my own person and I do things my way,  I want to learn as I go not hear what other peoples have to say.

    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 1:22 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I say something about it once. And then leave it. I did what I could, nagging isn't going to help. For some things, I just off hand mention what I do and why. Sometimes they've just never thought about it.
    tyrelsmom

    Answer by tyrelsmom at 1:27 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I dont give advice unless asked for I let them know I'm here if they have questions but A friend of mine has a child younger then mine and she has already almost killed her child once because someone told her her little girl was teething and that whiskey would help it well they didnt inform her on the fact that yes it can work but you dont put it in the bottle you put it on your finger and rub it on your childs gums.. She spent 3 days putting whiskey in her little girls bottle.. I feel like I have to say something about things like this because I couldnt stomach it if they child died and I didnt say anything but it always blows up in my face and they get mad I just dont know how to say it and not make people mad
    TristansMommy16

    Answer by TristansMommy16 at 1:41 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • You can say anything but 90% of it is how you say it.

    I have found the best way to approach people like this to not point the finger but rather use an example.and a little humor and some light hearted'ness

    Say oh I was was reading somewhere that cat's who sleep in the babies crib can suffocate babies, did you know that?

    just use examples and go ahead a beef up where you heard your information or use a false story if you have to. There's always a way of communicating it's having the right tools to get the point across
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:15 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Now you know how urban legends get spread! People need a story, a 'real' consequence to an action in order to consider 'can this happen to me?"

    If you see something you know to be a danger to that child and you don't speak up and something happens, that would be the worst feeling you can imagine, right? So continue to speak out when you see those things. When they rebuff you, just add 'well I just wanted you to know. Don't say you didn't if (God forbid) something happen and the cops start questioning you about it."

    If it isn't life threatening, then don't worry about it. Eventually they may realize you were right and your way is easier, better, faster whatever. Or it might never be for them.

    You may also want to give someone else 'credit' for the information. "My mom always..." or "My baby's doc says to..." Maybe they think you don't know what you're talking about, even if you do!

    Maybe try to lead by example?
    SimplyLaine

    Answer by SimplyLaine at 5:37 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • No one wants unsolicited advice.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:36 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

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