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Lonely Wife of 16 years needs Help.

My husband and I have been married 16 years. My husband falls to sleep every night watching television. We haven't had sex in months. I have asked him many times to go to bed but he does not respond. It is getting really frustrating that my very own husband will not sleep in the same bed as me. I have told him that our marriage will not work if he does not come to bed. I would be happy if I didn't just have to sleep alone. I do not understand why my husband consistently wants to sleep on the bed. Even though I have told him we would have to get a divorce if it continues he still does it. I have 2 children 1 is 9 and the other is 13 which is the girl. I worry now that I am a stay at home Mom that I would not be able to provide for my children if I left him. I stay together with him mainly because of the children and the fear of losing what I have which is security. Please give me the advice I need.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Well i think you need to do whatever will make you happy. I know since your a stay at home mom, you'd bascially have to start from scratch and I know that really seems scary. I'm sort of in the same boat. BUT you still need to do what is best for you, your children aren't going to be happy unless you are :) :) :) Or maybe if you want to work things out, did you offer to sleep out there with him? Maybe bring the mattress out? See what he says about that? OR what real good thing you can do is..since you said you haven't had sex in mths. Just wait for him to fall asleep and make sure your kids are sleeping and just seduce him in his sleep LOL. Seriously though, my husband loves it, when he passes out on me and I want some, all i have to do is go lay where ever he is and just start playing with him and then sit on him, or whatever it is that you like to do... I'm sure he'll love that... AND if he doesn't..than screw him :)
    sexy_can_i

    Answer by sexy_can_i at 1:29 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • And when i said then screw him... I meant than leave his ass...i'm sure there is another man out there that would love for you to seduce him in his sleep lol. But really i'm sure there is someone out there for you that WANTS to sleep in bed with you. You shouldn't have to force someone to sleep with you, you def can't force someone to love you, so why even try? You deserve better than that.
    sexy_can_i

    Answer by sexy_can_i at 1:31 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Communication is the key. If he continues to ignore your requests then there may be more to this issue then you realize. Marriage is really like a job, when one wokers slacks on their duties then the product can become damaged or not work at all.
    You can not continue to not have the emotional negligence that your husband appears to be guilty of doing towards you. Change can be scary but sometimes it is what is needed. Have you considered couple therapy?
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 1:35 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I love you sexy__can__i!!! I love the blunt honesty and the snazzy suggestions you've been giving!!! I can tell you're a night person! Now back to the topic; sorry!!! Try leaving a not in his lunch; if you make or he takes it, saying how you feel. Like sexy can i said bring the mattress out or get a blow up one and see how it goes, and like she further mentioned I do not know any manwith a pulse that would deny a woman once she's began seduction!!! It doesn't take much either, some caressing and kissing on neck up to ear lobes, etc and he's ready(to bad that doesn't always work for us! lol). Try some sexy lingerie, even a tank w matching panties will do! If that doesn't work then tell him to take a hike because you're ready and waiting for the man that is up for the challenge of rocking your world and wants to snuggle after!!! GL,best wishes and let us know how it goes!!!!
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 1:49 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I went to couples thearpy for 2 years with my husband already. Years ago. I understand the seducing part and believe me that sounds very appealing and yes I could see putting the matress down on the floor next to him would be great too BUT I am just wondering exactly where in this marriage does he start doing something for me. Why is it that I have to be the one to try and beg for his attention. I struggle with my decision to leave because at least now I can stay at home with my kids. It just is a tough situation and I know I have to make it I just wish I could.
    Momsarespecial

    Answer by Momsarespecial at 2:47 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Maybe he has trouble sleeping laying down. Many people sleep sitting up in a recliner or propped up on the couch for respiratory reasons. My BIL has slept in the recliner for years bc of his acid reflux. My SIL does it for his sleep apnea. Talk to him. If that is the reason then go to a As Seen on TV store or website and buy him one of those sleep systems. It's foam triangles that you put on a bed to give the same angles as a recliner. It's worth talking to him about.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:45 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • sorry for all ur troubles,i have experience something like that few years back, I prayed abt it he put an end to such habit. but then he was dating someone and the might hav had great sex together so by the time he comes home, he will no longer have time for me. will u start having an affair now?well............... the choice is urs.
    joysweet

    Answer by joysweet at 8:49 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Get a job, get an apartment, get a lawyer
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:33 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • YOU TWO HAVE TO BREAK YOUR BAD HABITS--HIM SLEEPING ON THE COUCH--YOU WANTING A DIVORCE OVER IT. NEITHER ONE OF YOU ARE WILLING TO COMPROMISE. DON'T MAKE A THREAT UNLESS YOUR WILLING TO DO IT OTHERWISE YOUR JUST NAGGING. ASK HIM WHATS UP, EXPLAIN YOUR FEARS AND LISTEN FOR THE ANSWER. DON'T PLAY THE INJURED PARTY UNTIL YOU HAVE THE ANSWERS AND THEN DECIDE FOR YOURSELF WHATS BEST FOR EVERYONE. GOOD LUCK!
    ohio4

    Answer by ohio4 at 7:48 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • It sounds like he doesnt care weather you get a divorce or not so do whatever makes you happy. If your not happy in your current situation, change it. Move out get your own apartment with your kids and get a job and move on with your life. Good luck to you. It's a new year with new possibilities.
    Texan1993

    Answer by Texan1993 at 9:27 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

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