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What would you do if your step daughter talks to you on facebook but never metions her 2 yr olds bday party so you find out only because

Her mil has a million of new pics posted of the little ones birthday party.
I am hurt and pissed because for some reason my stepdaughter does not invite us to any birthday parties. Her mil is on my friends list and always has the grandkids and has 5 photo albums of the grandkids.
We never see them. We are never included in anything that has to do with the grandkids.
.
.
.
I feel like deleting them both off my friends list because all that happens is me and my husband end up hurt because we see all these new pics of the grandkids.
We are only 80 minutes away. We would be there in a heartbeat! The communication is so poor that my husnabds daughter never called to say she had a baby 2 years ago!! we found out last year during a funeral.

I am always giving this girl and her mil second chances and forgiving them for the exclusion. There is no reason for it. we don't drink or do drugs.
Should I just delete them & move on?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on Jan. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • FIRST SO SORRY, BUT I AM SURE YOU DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE HISTORY BETWEEN FATHER AND HER. SHE MUST HAVE SOME KIND OF PROBLEM OTHERWISE 2 YEARS WOULD NOT HAVE PASSED WITHOUT HER TELLING HIM ABOUT THE BABY. SOUNDS LIKE SHE HAS MADE A LIFE AND YOU AND YOUR DH ARE NOT PART OF IT. I WOULD CONTACT HER AND ASK. I HAVE TO MENTION THAT IF YOU TOO HAVE A 4 Y O THAT MEANS WHEN HE WAS 2 SHE GOT PREGNANT SO FOR 2 YEARS SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR SON--HER BROTHER AND ONLY NOW AFTER A BIRTHDAY PARTY ARE YOU CONCERNED? ITS NOT A NEW PROBLEM ITS A PROBLEM THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR AT LEAST 4 YEARS---YOU CAN BE HURT---OR YOU CAN GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT--OR CONTINUE WHAT ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN DOING LIVING YOUR LIVES WITHOUT REGARD FOR THE OTHER. GOOD LUCK!
    ohio4

    Answer by ohio4 at 7:35 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • CONT...
    I should also add that I have 3 daughters and my step daughter has yet to "friend request" them. and I have a 5 yr old that is her brother, her son is 4.....yet she doesnt ask about her brother.
    She will message me on facebook and talk about stupid stuff but won't mention anything important...like the fact that she is having a bday party in 3 days.....does not ask how anyone is.....I'm just tired of being hurt
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Well i do know that it must hurt. But I wouldn't delete them. Or i mean you can, but make sure you have their phone number or address to get a hold of them. Maybe some how get their address and just tell them you are coming over to see your grand babies. I think if you guys have done nothing wrong than you should be more than welcome to see those kids. She should be grateful that her child does have grandparents that are there for them. My grandma passed away last year and that was the only grandma they had that is sane and wants to be apart of them. Just try to communicate with out facebook. Get a number and call and call. Why do they not want you guys to be part of their lives?
    sexy_can_i

    Answer by sexy_can_i at 1:51 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • OP~
    I'm thinking her mil has brainwashed and manipulated my step daughter. That old bat has always controled the grandkids. She takes them every weekend and does fun things and she just has to have control!!!
    Me and my husband want to spoil those kids and spend time with them...right now they don't even know us.there is no reason. We are just typical people, not boozing,cussing trailer trash that lives off the system.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • As a step daughter I have to say, she's just no that into you. If she wanted a relationship she would at least make a FB effort. With FB you can stay well connected & never pick up the phone. She may have guilt from excluding her father so hasn't cut you guys off cold but delete her or flat out have the awkward conversation. I was brought up to be respectful so I would never speak to my fathers wife disrespectfully or purposefully hurt her feelings but if she asked me I would gladly tell her I am not interested in any relationship. I used to play the part to blend in and get through family functions and we even passed along forwards but particularly after I had my son I refused to fake a relationship. If I can't have a relationship with my dad without her and her kids and their kids then oh well. I have my reasons and I'm sure she has hers as well. Her dad really should be the 1 reaching out, maybe that's the problem.
    1st_LadyD

    Answer by 1st_LadyD at 1:58 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • OP~ when me and her dad were dating she would tell her dad to not screw up the relationship because she knew I was good for him. We do get along well and her dad could call her more often however it does hurt him and he would rather push the feelings down and put up a wall rather then deal with things head on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • this really seems to be hurting you and bothering you, first off your best bet is getting in touch with your step daughter and explaining how you feel tell her you feel like you are being left out and see how she responds, maybe she doesn't even realize that she is hurting you or maybe she does but communication is key to find out exactly what is going on. If she seems to not give a damn then tell het well you do and you would love to see your grandchildren once in awhile, then give her a little more time and if it keeps going on the way it does not matter how much it hurts your gonna have to just sever the ties. Good Luck.
    jsimonds220

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 2:02 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • You need to work on the communication. Try getting him to talk to his daughter more and try to be more active and make an attempt and maybe you'll get invited more.. I know with my hubby it seems like we neglect his family members just because there are soooo many people its hard to invite everyone ... if you put yourself out there as a big part of their life you'll probably see more stuff.. send cards and invite them out and do stuff like that... meet for dinner half way or something.. anything you can do.. i'm sorry .. good luck.
    Jan0609momma

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 2:20 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • op~

    I have invited her to our house she just makes excuses. She doesn't send anything for fathers day or her dad's birthday.
    I sent her a birthday card with a bunch of pics and she never said "BOO" about it.
    I gave her kids christmas presents last year after we found out about her having a second baby and no "thanks" from her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • It sounds to me like something happened and she has chosen to distance herself from you. i dunno if you aren't telling us, or if maybe a rumor was spread, maybe you should write her and ask.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 3:12 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

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