Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why won't they listen to us?

My kids are 4 & 5 they don't listen to me or their dad. We often have to yell at them. I hate yelling but i just get sooo frusterated with them not listening. My 5 year old will tell my other daughter to do things that she knows is not okay. She back talks and just won't listen, I don't know if she just doesn't care or what. My 4 year old listens but when she gets in trouble she will jump up and down and throw a fit. She also will argue with me or her dad about anything, She tell us she hates us. I don't know what to do any advice will help.

Answer Question
 
toriturtle

Asked by toriturtle at 5:22 AM on Jan. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 8 (257 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Timeouts, spankings, take away toys, silent treatment those are all things to consider. Yelling doesn't work they need to be afraid of you and the consequences of crossing you which they are not at this point. So you need to make their life as not fun as they are making yours until they earn back the fun.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:00 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I agree with the answer above. I don't know if they need to be scared of you. But they do need to respect you and be aware that there are consequences to their actions. I think if you do the time outs, take away toys, and spanking if needed (yes i said it! I was spanked and lived) it will help establish these limits. Hopefully limits and consequences work. GOOD LUCK!!!
    JoMcD

    Answer by JoMcD at 6:54 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • You have to start parenting your children. When you tell them a consequence, follow through every single time. They need to know you are serious. Your husband and you must form a unified front, you cannot ever override the other parent or question the other in front of your children. You need to give positive reinforcement when it is due. If you are unsure how to effectively use time outs and punishments, please pick up a book on the subject- anything from 123 magic to Parenting the Strong-willed Child should do the trick. It's not about what method you use to parent (spanking, time outs, etc) It's using it effectively and consistently that will gain the respect and attention of your children. Your children should also have some sense of responsibility and you should assign them a chore chart, or reward chart- even if it's "play nicely" "share" and those sorts of things. Keep your children active and well supervised.
    IamPatSajak

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 7:59 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • your children are not listening to you or not doing as they are told, because they can. simple really.
    not listening to you endures them no consequences.
    i have never had a child, my own or others, come to my house and not behave. Why? Because they know they have no choice in the matter. Your children know on a daily basis that they have the choice whether or not to listen and behave. Sad.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:13 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • The above answers are true,,i had similar problems with my oldest two,,but by the time the third came around I finally got wise and he behaved much differently!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • You should also try to make it a point to make sure you are at the same level as the kids when you talk to them, and make sure they are looking at you. My son is 8 years old and I still have to make sure I have his attention or he pays no attention at all when we talk.
    kitten_shuga

    Answer by kitten_shuga at 9:30 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • super nanny?
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:14 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Pick a punishment that will "hit 'em where it counts" and follow through! For us it's no wii or tv for a few days. Figure out what they really love and take it away for punishment. The only things you have to give them are food, water, clothes and a place to sleep. Anything else they have to earn.
    PeytonNBella

    Answer by PeytonNBella at 10:25 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • There needs to be (consistent) consequences: positive for good behavior; negative for bad
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:24 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Why won't they listen to us?


    LOL. Because it's their job not to listen :) They need to test boundaries and see how far they can push you and hubby. I'm no expert, but the key is consistency, if you tell them to do something (or stop doing something) and they ignore you warn them. Tell them if they dont do what you just told them there is going to be a consequence. Be very specific about what the consequence is going to be examples are: timeouts, temporarily losing a favorite toy, loss of an activity and so on. If you give a consequence and they still ignore you ALWAYS follow through with the punishment or they will know that you are bluffing and will call your bluff every time.

    SRiveroC

    Answer by SRiveroC at 11:37 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN