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how can u cope with a wicked and uncaring husband

Hi moms, I was a FTWM of 4 kids, I'm married. After the birth of our third child, DH urged me to resign from the job and stay home with the kids, that he will take care of me and set up a stayhome biz for me, so I resigned.After abt 1 year,I reminded him of his promises,he told me to go to hell,he doesnt give me any money for food or ... he shops for groceries himself.I dont have money to buy toiletries I bath without soap, and cream, I do laundry without deteg, no sanitary towel for my monthly period, no decent wear/underwear.
I have requested for a divorce several times but he snarled saying that he cant go thro' divorce but if im tired that i can walk out, then he will hit me several times and threaten to throw me out.if i dare mention divc again where do I go?, my parents are dead, i have poor fmily members I dnt hv any money, no friends cos he thrtens thm .he calls me frustratd bitch. my DH earns $1,800 mnthly

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:43 AM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Call a church, or a womens shelter, they will be able to find you a safehouse away from him for you and your kids, and help with free child care so that you can get a job and re-establish yourself. You need to get out he is an abusive controller who could end up killing you. I am also sure that your old friends would help you if you went to them because they wouldn't want you stuck. But get out, and next time he hits you call the cops, and get out while he is in jail. Good luck.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 5:49 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Im so frustrated and depressed, I cant go out cos i dnt have anyone to watch d kids so that i can go out and look 4 job, i cant afford a daycare either, i have two sets of twin girls(2years) and twin boys(6 months).he treats me like shit!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I would call a local womens shelter and have them help you get out, they will provide daycare while you get a job. Churches often times will do the same. When he isn't home call everybody. You can even call the non-emergency number at the police dpt and they can tell you who can help you as well. Good luck.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:03 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) this is the national domestic violence hotline, they also have a website. Call them they can give you the resources to make your escape safely.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:05 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Your questions details a myriad of problems in your household. Your husband does not make enough money to support 4 other people. That is first and foremost. You have no choice but to return to work. You can contact a woman's shelter or homeless shelter in your area if you want to just leave or if you are in any kind of danger of being physically abused. For your personal items I suggest you post on yahoo freecycle or craigslist in your area asking for donations of maxipads and personal toiletries. I'm sure you will have no problem obtaining those items. Your family size and salary qualifies you for food stamps and other government assistance including housing and childcare. Speak with the welfare office about what you can apply for. You can find free legal services through them for divorce proceedings and child support claims. Do not sit around waiting for him to give you permission to live your life.
    IamPatSajak

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 7:31 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Hugs!!! If it were me, I would NOT put up with being treated and talked to like that. I would walk and take the kids with me. He has NO RIGHT to treat you like that! Do you have a first call for help (information and referral) in your area? If so call them- they can tell you who to contact. Other places to contact: United Way, Salvation Army, Lutheran Social Services, Family Services, Catholic Charities, local churches (they may know of shelters/places that can help), contact a local womens shelter and see if they can help. Once you are out of the house (and maybe at a shelter) then contact free legal aid and start filing for divorce/custody/child support. I would also ask about section 8 housing for you and the kids, as well as check into public assistance- WIC eligibility, food stamps, childcare. Good luck!!!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:50 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I'd call a shelter. They can get you housing and a lawyer.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:51 AM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Call your local women's crisis center!! They will help you. They can give you a place to stay with your children. They can get you everything you need, so if you have to leave without your things, it doesn't matter. They will help you make a plan to leave too. Sounds like you'll have to leave while he's at work. They can help you do whatever you need to do legally, and help you figure out how to support your children. They are a great organization, they will help you every step of the way.
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 12:37 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • First off, big hugs to you. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. Please call a shelter, a crisis center, your church, any church, a welfare agency, anyone. They can help you and they will point you in the right direction. Do not stay in this relationship as it will only continue to get worse. I know, I have been there. But the good thing is I got out and have bettered myself, my kids, and my life. I left that behind 25 years ago and never regret one moment. Please get help, get out.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 6:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • call your local shelter and they can give you and your kids a safe place to live while they will help you get a job and daycare. You need to leave while he is at work or gone to the store or something. YOU NEED TO GET OUT BEFORE HE KILLS YOU OR YOUR KIDS.
    Texan1993

    Answer by Texan1993 at 9:04 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

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