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Would you let your husband stay?

DH and I are having serious problems right now. About 4 months ago he raped me. We now realize he is a sex addict. We decided until I felt comfortable around him that he would stay with his mom. The rape was very brutal. But he did force himself on me. I really don't want to go into details though. Anyways, lately I have been feeling so lonely. And when he is around me I don't feel as uncomfortable as I thought I would. He is getting help right now (we think his testosterone levels are out of whack). We want to work this out, he wants to get better. But lately I have been so lonely and just wanting his company. But at the same time I go through times when I think I am making the right decision and others I want to call him and beg him to come home. He would sleep on the couch if he did, I just don't know how I would feel with him being around every day. What would you think is right?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • You're kidding, right? He RAPED YOU.....!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Make sure he goes to counseling. I would probably wait. It sounds pretty scary. Take a self dense class and be sure you can protect yourself. Stand up to him, good luck. You are not to blame, it is HIS addiction, NOT yours. Never take on any guilt about this situation. You should go to counseling for yourself (alone).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I don't think that there is a text book answer for this one. I think you need to lean on the people in your life who know and love you and who know him. I couldn't possibly tell you the right answer - I'm a stranger and I don't know the first thing about either of you besides your above statement. What would your mother tell you to do? That's what I ask myself when I am feeling unsure.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 2:27 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • This is the OP, yes he is getting counseling. And so am I. We are also going to marriage counseling. I just feel so lonely ya know. I don't have but one friend who will visit me and my DS of course. There will be times that I am all yes, he raped me and he needs to stay away. And then other times I will think to myself, it wasn't a brutal rape. Its Okay, invite him over. Each day is a constant battle.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • This is just my opinion, but how the heck can you husband RAPE you? lol
    If your thinking about not letting him come back and ending your marriage over having sex with each other I think that is kind of ridiculous...Wow I guess in my mind I can't think of this being a real scenario bc it's just so...weird.
    If he's getting help and acting like he's wanting to make things work then why not let him come back and just set some ground rules until you are 100% comfortable again/
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I think it would be ok for him to come home, but you need to have the option of him leaving. You need to make sure that YOU are prepared, physcially and emotionally. I think that gradually letting him in more and more is the key. I don't think I would have him sleep there, even if it is on the couch until his counselor thinks it is ok. IMO
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Husbands can rape wives. No means no, even if your married. If a man holds you down to make you have sex after you have said no, that is rape.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I think sex addiction is like any other, does the counselor advise you to let him back in? I hope it works out for you---I personally couldn't look at him again,,,and for pp any one can rape you--it is having any kind of sex act against your will! Be strong for your kids mommy! God only knows where, who and what he has been with! Take it slow,,,,,be very careful!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 2:40 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Ps--you question state the rape WAS brutal not wasn't, might want to change it, but I don't think it changes the answer you know in your heart! :(
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 2:41 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • This is just my opinion, but how the heck can you husband RAPE you? lol
    If your thinking about not letting him come back and ending your marriage over having sex with each other I think that is kind of ridiculous...Wow I guess in my mind I can't think of this being a real scenario bc it's just so...weird.
    If he's getting help and acting like he's wanting to make things work then why not let him come back and just set some ground rules until you are 100% comfortable again
    --------------------------

    I'm glad you find this funny, but men rape their husbands its real and not to be made fun of
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

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