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How do you get him to understand?

So my husband has 3 other kids from his last marriage and we're expecting our first next month. I'm worried that when we get his children he's gonna focus on them more then our baby and not equally. I love his children and i understand that they're gonna need alot of attention beacuse of the way their mother has tried to raise them. i just dont want our baby to be pushed back in the shadows. I've tried explaning it to him but he still doesnt understand what i'm trying to say. how do i explane it to him?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • calm down. he'll treat all of them the same. stop worrying! by the way... men arent like women with children. so you'll be giving most of the attention to the baby most of the time anyway (regardless if there are any other children or not)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • You mean you want him to treat your child better than his other three right? You sound like my ex husbands new wife. She is pregnant and let me know she does not want our kids around for a few weeks after she gives birth. Their father needs to be with just her and his baby. I reminded her we don't talk and visitation is between my ex and me not with her. I hung up on her. I think you should support your husband and let him parent the way he knows how. He has been a parent way longer than you and knows what to do. You might learn something from him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I think that's a normal concern. A lot of times when the children are only there a couple of weekends a month, a lot of time and love is put in to that time because it's so limited but your little one will likely be the center of attention atleast for a little while. He/she will be the new excitement around the house.
    I know it would have to be hard to be in your position but if he's a good father, he'll always treat all of them with equal love, but even when the children are all from the same parents they're all treated different to a degree. We expect more out of our oldest, and our youngest still loves to cuddle with us and the older one will shy away from that sometimes because she's "not a baby anymore" lol
    You'll find the right groove with the family. Just give everyone time to find it before you start worrying that they're treated differently and understand that he doesn't get to see the others as much.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:43 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I should've mentioned that we planned our oldest daughter but our last was an oopsy baby and I did wonder how she'd fit in to our family, if both of us and our oldest would adjust okay, if the oldest would worry that we loved the new baby more etc...
    Your hubby likely doesn't understand because he had 3 children before and he knows he loves them the same and will love this one equally too. Lucky for us, the heart just gets bigger to divide up so there's more love to go around for any new additions :)

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:48 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Funny, we bio moms of the first set of x's children we always worry our children will not get enough attention, that the new family children will get it all. We're dealing with that now and my kids are getting hurt bc the step mom won't let my kids have the attention they need with dad.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:56 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • He's not going to treat them any differently, the kids might be a bit jelous though, because the baby will always be livin with you and your husband and they will not, so they might , or they might be baby crazy, you can never tell, but no I don't think that he would treat the baby, poorly just becasue the other children are around. Good Luck

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 4:16 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Don't jump the gun. You are worrying about something that has not even happened. Remember, the baby you are carrying is his baby too and he will love it just as much. I had my first daughter with my first husband, and my other three kids with my second husband. Do you really think I love any of them more or less than the other because of who the father is? They are all my children and I love them with all I have. your husband will most likely do the same. Do not go through life wondering "What if" and worrying about things that have not even happened yet.

    Answer by TarLion at 6:14 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

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