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this has to pertain to motherhood because it affects my daily life, i want to know what others would do if they discovered their husband had a porn membership though their cell phone and if i should be as hurt as i am?

i just realized my husband of 12 years and father to our 3 school age kids, had a porn memebership he looks at on his cell phone at work and what i should do about it. i have no one else close to me i can ask, without them telling him. please help,

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • i would tell him about it and tell him how it makes you feel about it...
    mellyhayes

    Answer by mellyhayes at 3:27 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I have talked to him , we used to have this problem when we first go our computer, it would be at time like when i was in the shower, or gone or even putting the kids in bed, and now it the phone. he started using that cause i found out about the computer. and i thought we were ok, we have sex like 4 times a week but its not exciting and i feel ugly when i look at what he looks at.
    siouxmom280

    Answer by siouxmom280 at 3:31 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Seeing as how you're feeling, I'm assuming you're not really into porn. My husband can look at it if he pleases, it doesn't bug me any, as long as he's not trying to hide it. We look at it together, sometimes helps us really get into the mood. If it's something you can share together, then approach him and ask him what's up. I think when they feel they have to hide it, then that's when it can really become an issue. But this is all just one side of the issue. Good luck girly.
    ibarrasgirl

    Answer by ibarrasgirl at 3:35 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • You have every right to feel how you feel about porn, but you should ask yourself why you feel that way, and why it's such a big deal to you. Maybe sex isn't exciting because he feels like you wouldn't like some of the stuff he wants to do. Talk to him about what you want to try. And maybe instead of making him sneak something he feels is perfectly fine, offer to watch it together. You can even pick it out.

    The reason I'm okay with porn is because I know that it's just a visual stimulation. My husband doesn't sit there and fantasize about having sex with those women, he just wants the visual image so he can imagine US doing those things. It's usually not a big deal. Talk and talk and talk and if you are REALLY uncomfortable with it, and he REFUSES to give it up, seek counciling.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 3:38 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I would be hurt a) that he's looking at it at all, and b) that he's hiding it. The fact that he's hiding it from you means he knows you probably wouldn't approve or like it, yet he's doing it anyway. I would tell him that you know and that it hurts you. Tell him exactly how it makes you feel - a lot of times men don't understand how women feel.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:38 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • i guess growing up and the fact that my stepdad did look at it alot and my mother would hate it, makes me think its wronng also i just worry that even though im only 130 and three kids later im not too bad looking , that he sees those women and thinks less of MY appearance, even after 12 years i still cant feel secure enough with myself for him to look at it with me, I wish i could i just get soo jealous and worry that i wont compare.
    siouxmom280

    Answer by siouxmom280 at 5:47 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • To be honest hun, men don't want women like that. They're all ran through and super gross, it's just eye candy and thought-provoking to men. If you feel it's wrong, then it's wrong, I don't ask when my husband looks at it, but I know he does. And trust me, most women don't "compare" to those women, and I mean that by what they're willing to do! Um, keep dreaming husbands lol! Why is it that you're so insecure? That's the real underlying problem.
    ibarrasgirl

    Answer by ibarrasgirl at 11:08 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • You HAVE to talk to him about it. I just went through this. You have to tell him how it makes you feel and go from there. I have seen on here men that don't care what their wives say or how they feel and they continue to look at it. Then there are the husbands like mine, who knew I didn't like him doing it, did it anyway and knew he would get caught. We had a big blow out fight and I had to get mean and say very direct and graphic things to him, but in the end he understood. He apologized, said he never meant to hurt me, he feels like a piece of garbage for ever making me feel like I was less than perfect. My hubby made a mistake, we had a huge argument, huge!, but we saved our marriage and I truly believe him. But your hubby won't know if you don't talk to him.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 6:07 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • For those of you who say to watch it with your husband, well I have watched plenty of porn in the past, in my past marriages, but when I brought up the idea with my husband now he completely refused. He was not brought up in a sexually open family and he said he has never watched porn with anyone else, not even another guy or another girlfriend or anything. He said it embarrasses him and that he couldn't watch it with me because those girls are whores and I am not. So the answer is not always, offer to watch it with him. Our outcome, as stated above, is that there is no porn in our marriage. We have a hot enough sex life without that crap!! And for the poster that said most women won't do what the girls in the porns do, well talk for yourself. No, I don't get gross, I don't do threesomes (my marriage is not open) but I will do almost anything to please my man and he returns the favor.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 6:11 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • LOL...breathe!
    ibarrasgirl

    Answer by ibarrasgirl at 8:31 PM on Jan. 18, 2010

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