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Is it okay for me to compare my ex to other guys to make myself feel better? Saying that what they are doing to me, even though it hurts isn't as bad as it was when I was with my ex. How do you deal with these kind of things?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Sounds like you are still NOT making healthy choices.
    Perhaps you should seek councling and NOT date.

    You should judege each person on an individual basis and hold them to a VERY high standard. They SHOULD treat you well because it is the RIGHT thing to do. end of story.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I don't fully understand the question. But I think it's normal to compare sometimes, but def not when you're with someone new, that can be tough and make you kind of resent the new guy if he doesn't measure up or something.
    ibarrasgirl

    Answer by ibarrasgirl at 3:41 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Run away. A good relationship should not be painful. If a person loves you they will do things to make you feel better, not hurt you or bring you down. Get to counseling and your therapist can help you with all this. You can be alone, you do not need a relationship you only want one.
    Another thing, I hate how "love" is often portrayed as a constant battle, like if you aren't fighting all the time it's not passionate. Love can be happy and passionate, all at the same time.
    camiam81

    Answer by camiam81 at 3:47 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Why are you letting these men hurt you? That's just not right. Cut them all loose and find guys who don't hurt you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:48 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I guess you both are probably right. I shouldn't be comparing and should just deal with these things the best way I can or I am always going to be this way.

    Thanks

    OP
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I think it is normal to compare people and things. Biologically it is how our brains make sense of our world by comparing new information to previous information ad accepting it so we don't have to learn it all over again. Each time we see a different tree we know it is already tree. I think you are cutting yourself short though. Even though this new guy may be a step up from the last, it does not sound like he is succeding in your eyes. You want him to be more but he is not living up and that puts you in the position of accepting it or making the tough choice to say to yourself I want better. Personally I think I would break it off with him and have some time to think about what you want and what makes you happy in a man but I don't know the whole situation. You deserve to be happy and not be hurt in whatever context good luck honey I hope that helps you. Do you have kids by him?
    katie23

    Answer by katie23 at 3:51 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I am glad I asked this question. It's been bothering me all day and all of you have some great advice. Thanks. I do not have any kids from him. My LO's father is gone and out of the picture.

    OP
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • No. Lying to yourself about the seriousness or severity of a situation isn't going to make it alright. Giving excuses to make your current seem like a better person isn't going to actually make him a better person. Only good people are good people. It's that simple. If your current isn't treat you right, then get out of the situation. You deserve all the best and if they aren't all the best, then they're not worth your time. Don't put yourself or your child in a bad situation.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:18 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

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