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how do i feel ok with looking at porn with my husband if i feel less than the women on the video.

growing up my parents fought over ths topic. my stepdad watched it and my mom hated it, im guessing from the same insecurities that stop me from being ok with it. any tips on how i can make my marriage of 12 years(3 kids too !) last and be happy when i feel this way. He hides it and our sexlife hasnt improved from him watching it , in fact it seems to suffer. any help?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Stop doing it. Dont look at it with him. Tell him how you feel about it, that you feel less than a woman. If he continues, than he doesn't care. I know that porn has has no place in my marriage. Im Thankful that my husband doesn't watch it nor am i interested in watching it with him. You should buy some sexy lingerie, get a radio, and a chair in the bedroom. Put candles around the room and put on some sexy music and give him a lap dance on the chair. Just try different things, if he doesn't change than i dont know.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Throw out the porn. Throw it in the trash on trash day when he isn't home. It is demoralizing you and it is no wonder you are insecure.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 6:43 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • I just don't look at porn. It isn't real life. It's fantasy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • i do all kinds of stuff with him but he still looks at it anyway behind my back, we have been together since we were 17 and been together for 11 years, is there a time when he just stopped wanting me? idk, it affects my daily life and i dont know how to talk to him with out him yelling at me saying that "he is a grown man and can do it if he wants and should not have to hide it"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Is the last Anon from you OP? If he's hiding it, then are you not watching it together? If you aren't, try it. It is a fantasy, and I understand that you feel like less of a woman, but you're not. Men seem to like us the way we are, even when we don't look and act like porn stars. I think it's women that put the pressure on other women. Tell him you will try to watch one with him (usually you only get a few minutes in, and you're going at it anyway, and there's no more watching), if he will actually listen to your feelings on the subject. Tell him how it makes you feel. If you want your sex life to improve, you need to communicate with him, and talk about what you both want and how to achieve it.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 3:04 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I hate men. I hate the way that they contribute to women's fragile ego's. They suck. Even the 'FAKE" ones... SUCK. They are only in it for the chase and then find other things to chase ( might not be another woman but it's something). they suck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I just went through this, just this weekend. It really is up to the guy and what I mean by that is I have told my hubby time and time again that I do NOT like porn, I don't like that he looks at it and I do not like the way it makes me feel. He would not watch it with me and I tried to be "ok" with it, but I'm not. It made me feel like I was not a woman, not enough of a woman for my own husband. Well I talked to him about it, then we fought about it, then we fought even more and it got real bad, but I stood my ground. It came down to the fact that I would leave because I won't accept it. I can't make him change, but I can change my life. He also completely loves and adores me and after the storm we were finally able to communicate and work it out. The final outcome, no more porn, ever. Not on the computer, the tv, the dvd, nothing. He said he loves me and is so sorry he ever disrespected me like that (cont)
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 5:58 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • (cont) and that he never had intentions of hurting me and he feels like a heel for putting his selfish needs first. We have great sex and he thought that because he was still having sex with me, it would be okay for him to watch the porn. Until he saw up front and personal how it really really made me feel. I had to mean and cold and say the things that needed to be said, but the end result is we saved our marriage and he is treating me so fricking good right now I am on cloud 9! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT! I told my hubby that him sitting there getting off to some whore on the tv pretending that the girl actually wanted him was basically cheating on me and how would he like it if I started watching movies with really hot young guys with really big *icks. HA, turn the table on him, my hubby didn't like that image in his head at all!
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 6:01 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • thank you tarlion! i think it over in my head all the time how maybe its me, and im just too boring for it but you are right, i do not have to be ok with it. it has not made our sex any better, cause when hes been looking at it i can tell. he uses the bathroom more often, and by the end of the night, finally have the kids in bed, and he has no desire for me. hes done wore himself out it seems like. im so sick of it, there is no focus on me and what i need or more importantly how disprespectful it is. it is cheating, for sure.and every time i freak out about it, we have huge blow out fights. we have 3 kids my girl9, my boys are 6 and5. so , i try to keep cool for them, but then when its quiet, and everyone is asleep, i feel so lonely. it sucks and i wonder how we are supposed to grow old together when he is already bored, im only 29!! idk, but thank you to all you women out there , every answer has helped me see clearer:)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

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