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Does anyone else have a "unique" child when it comes to discipline!?

My dd just turned 3 in Nov. & we are having a hard time with finding a discipline method that actually works. Tried the time out chair (this works after dragging her back for 30 min. but looses it's charm after a couple times becuase then it turns into the "cool" place to sit!?), standing in the corner (but she stands there & bangs her head off the wall which obviously isn't a good thing), taking away toys or things she likes (again phases her for like 5 min. then she goes about her day unphased), positive praise/catching her doing good things ( no impact at all), rewarding (yes I guess it could be called Bribing ) but then we just started to get a brat ( makes sense), spanking (but this doesn't seem to phase her either and she just hits then *again makes sense*), re-directing seems to get us somewhere but it's not really taking care of the problem, more of a band-aid, PLEASE HELP!!

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Asked by Bizkviper at 7:48 PM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (9)
  • Keep on trying, the time out thing seems to work for us best, now that he is 4 it has been moved into the dining room, no stimulus there at all, spanking hasn't done so great here either!

    Answer by kimigogo at 7:50 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • well, I'm in the same situation a lot of the time, but here is something I learned.... this is the age they test you! My son is 3 1/2 and from other moms who have been there they say that is the prime age for testing! So, look at it as an opportunity to teach something with each time they test.... lol funny hearing it from me because I am sooo burnt out right now! but really when I stop to think about it I know that him feeling 'comfortable" to test me is a good sign. Now, that does not mean he gets 'away' with it. I will correct each misbahavoir how I feel fit. Personally I do not think standing a child in the corner is a great way to discipline, but thats just from what I have experienced. I think that there do need to be consequences and punishment for each misbehavoir and it depends on the situation. Also, I do not tolerate disbedience... that gets corrected immediately. I think the more consisant the better :)

    Answer by Precious333 at 7:55 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • and I wanted to add. I read somewhere that routines really help shape a child's behavoir. Something I know I need to work on. When they know what is coming they are more likely to be in a better mood and more accepting because they know what is expecting and have something to look forward to. When there is no routine there can be a lot of anxiety for children because they may feel insecure and anxious.

    Answer by Precious333 at 7:57 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • So after I read this a couple times it makes it sound like she is "out of control" and she really isn't. She is just having a hard time learning what not to do, she likes to get into things she shouldn't and destroy things she knows she shouldn't as well. I.E. she likes to color on the walls, we have went over many times that it isn't ok to color on the walls just paper... the next time I threw her crayons and coloring books away. I know she knows better because she will hide the crayon and act like she wasn't doing anything if you catch her in the act. I guess I am just looking for creative discipline ideas that maybe worked, I read Dr. Dobson's "The Strong-willed Child" and felt like I could really associate with some of the situations that some of those mother's went through, so maybe I will find some surviving mothers on here with tips!

    Answer by Bizkviper at 8:00 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • ok where you are wrong at is when you discipline her then you award her as a bribe , if you are going to discipline her then you have to let her set her punishment out .like no tv, no toys

    Answer by Tanya19 at 10:14 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Precious 333 that is some good advice thanks! :) I will try and remember that when I am getting frazzled. Tanya 19 you misunderstand.... I am not doing ALL these things at once lol........... these are things I have TRIED as in like for a couple months at a time we try this, then move on to this etc. I mean obviously she isn't going to listen if she knows I am going to try and bribe her after everything! Thanks though!

    Answer by Bizkviper at 5:58 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I think 3 is a really tough age. I have a pretty subborn 3.5 year old and he's always been a difficult child who is not at all easy going and takes a lot of energy to parent. He doesn't respond quite the way your LO does, but there are definitely some discipline techniques that don't really work with him.

    I have found in my own case that he's really in tune with my emotions. So if I'm getting upset or yelling or I'm being angry, his bad behavior escalates. He's in a very frustrating stage, but I find if I can stay calm and not get too emotional, his behavior improves. I also have found that he really responds to touch. So when he's getting upset or if I have to tell him something I know he won't like, he responds better if I hold his hand or put my hand on his back. I have made a big effort to try and interact more positively with him, smiling more, hugging, kissing, touching him more than usual. When I'm positive, he

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 7:04 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • cont.

    he is more likely to be in a positive frame of mind if I'm in a positive frame of mind. Naturally, that improves his behavior. It also helps to set aside some time where I sit and play with him. I mean totally undivided attention.

    I also try to be really consistent with him and to mean what I say. One of my problems is that I tend to give him too many chances to correct his behavior. What I'm trying to do now is once I say "I want you to do xyz or else you will have to go to your room", if he doesn't comply immediately I enforce the consequence.

    He still keeps me on my toes and his behavior is nowhere near perfect, but he's getting better.

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 7:11 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Oh and I agree with the things precious333 said. They are testing their limits and it's normal.

    I try to keep in mind that my LOs stubborn, strong personality is going to serve him well in the future. They are not necessarily bad personality traits, he just needs my help learning how to go about things appropriately.

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 7:15 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

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