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he cant get over the past, abuse?

He has been abusive in the past, but he doesn't consider what he did abuse tho and even tho right after it happened and he got out of jail the next day he apologized and said he was in the wrong, he still brings up how messed up it was of me to call the cops. ( I think he apologized just so I would take him back? ).
Anyways, we got into it about that again tonight. We were having a really great evening, family had the kids, we went out to dinner and were watching a movie at home, talking and me calling the cops got brought up again. I wrecked his life, put him thru hell, blahblahblah. Never did he say how it messed up MY life, hurt me or my daughter who witnessed it. He didn't actually hit me, but we were fighting, he followed me around the house screaming, breaking down a door when I locked myself in a room, refused to let me leave, and using to leave himself. Took my cell away when I tried to call 911 for police help. Cont..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Jan. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I know he didn't beat me, but I feel what he did was wrong and he just doesn't understand how much it affected me. It's all him, him, him. Can we ever get over this?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • Did you lie to police and say he did hit you? I could see that being one reason he can't get over it. If not, maybe you two need therapy or just go your separate ways. Him acting the way he did is NOT healthy. You had every right to call the police and have him arrested regardless if he hit you or not.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:59 PM on Jan. 11, 2010

  • No, I didn't lie to the police. I told them what happened, he did slam my arm in one of the doors I tried to open to leave, tried to close it so i couldn't leave and my arm was in the way. He was arrested for that, and interrupting a 911 call. So you think it was okay to call the police even tho he didn't hit me? I see it that way, and he doesn't.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • If he doesn't see it that way, you shouldn't be with him.
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 12:10 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • yes you were correct in calling the cops.. he could have also been charged with kidnapping for not allowing you to leave..in some states.

    sorry to say but he is an asshole and will most likely to this again, but he very possibly will hit you next time....the question you have to ask yourself is if he gets this angry with you, isn't he just as likely to get as angry with your daughter in the future.

    I was in a very abusive relationship that started out as you described and only escalated to him telling me he was going to kill me(along with telling others he was afraid/thinking that).

    You have some difficult decisions to make, and only you can decide them..

    good luck
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:13 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • He needs to take responsibility for his actions and stop blaming you for what happened. YOU didn't force him act like he did...that's on him. And you were right to call for help. Women DO NOT have to wait to be hit in a domestic situation to call police. Even if there are no charges to be laid at that point their presence de-escalates, for the time being) the situation so everyone can calm down and be rational.

    There is no way in hell I would've taken him back. Now he knows you'll take him back and may think he can do anything he wants to you. It'll happen again and domestics tend to increase in violence as the abuser pushes the boundary each time.

    I wish you luck and hope you don't get hurt again.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 2:29 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • About Guardian Angels
    NO DRAMA ALLOWED!

    We have ALL been through enough!

    This is a safe place that you can come to cry, vent or release your frustrations even if you are not ready to leave your abuser yet.
    ... MORE

    NO DRAMA ALLOWED!

    We have ALL been through enough!

    This is a safe place that you can come to cry, vent or release your frustrations even if you are not ready to leave your abuser yet.

    YOU WILL NOT BE JUDGED HERE!

    Everyone here from the Group Owner to the Administrators have once walked in your shoes.
    We are NOT professionals, but rather a group of women offering our support based on our personal experiences.

    We are a very active and informative group.
    Please take the time to read posted information & add to it, in order to help others.
    Please read our guidelines and cafemom's, before applying.

    This is a support group
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 8:54 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • PLEASE COME BY MY PROFILE...♥♥♥♥♥
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 8:55 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I would not have called the cops for that. But that is just me personally. I would have only called the cops if in some way he threatened to hurt me.

    How did you guys get in this big fight anyway? There is always another side to the story & no i am not siding w/ the so-called "abuser" (i was raised in an abusive household, i am not siding with the man) but we only heard one side of the story.

    So, i would not have called the cops. Even if he locked me in the other room, that is not cop worthy IMO. The fact that your arm was in the way is your own fault. We do not know if you instigated anything, or if you were acting as immaturely as your husband was.

    I agree w/ your husband being pissed that you called the cops. Couples fight, sometimes it gets nasty...but unless he threatened to hurt you physically, or if you feel that he was definitely going to hurt you, i would not have called the cops for that. DRAMA!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Where I live, threatening is illegal, touching someone in any way that they feel is inappropriate or harmful is considered assault, and interrupting a 911 call is serious business. The anon poster above... don't listen to her. She admittedly comes from an abusive household, so her idea about what is "reasonable" abuse and fighting is very skewed - at first I was upset that she would have the nerve to say you shouldn't have called and calling it drama, but then realized she just needs some help. I have been in a couple relationships that were occasionally abusive, and mostly verbal, but guess what... abuse is abuse. Just because Jackass never punched me in my face doesn't mean that terrorizing me, breaking shit in the house in a tantrum, and slamming me up against a wall doesn't mean there wasn't abuse happening. The law clearly defines what abuse consists of.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:47 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

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