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How do I tell my MIL that he is my son, not hers

My MIL is very overbearing and is always intervining when it comes to my son. She acts like she is the mom. She even let's him call her mommy sometimes. Also, the other day, my son said something like "I farted mommy." She turned around and said I would like for him to say pass gas because fart is a vulgar word. I told her, I am the parent not you. She didn't listen. What do I do to stop this? I am about to say you can't see him anymore.

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Asked by lcmeloy at 10:08 AM on Jan. 12, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • Just keep reminding her you are the parent.It is hard and frustranting when she does not seem to be listening. I have a FIL and MIL that aways have to make comments about how we are raising our kids. It upsets me. But I just keep telling them that we are the parents and doing what is right for our family. Good luck

    Answer by Raeann11 at 10:15 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Definately time to set boundaries!!! I think you and your husband need to sit her down and remind her that YOU are his Mommy not her. And YOU are the only one he is to call Mommy. I would also remind her that YOU make the 'rules' (like allowing him to say fart, not pass gas), and that she needs to follow whatever rules you set, not try to undermine and take over (like with the pass gas statement). I would tell her that things better change because the way things are now you are seriously considering not allowing her to see him anymore. Maybe if she hears this it will be a wake up call to her and she will change. Good luck I hope all works out!!

    Answer by MizLee at 10:19 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I'd simply say "you had you opportunity to be a mom and now it's my turn." She has a right to her opinion and she'll always give advice but the final decision should be your's. Personally I think "fart" is a funny word and who cares which term sounds better, it's still the same thing. Maybe she would prefer you teach him the word flatulence.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:43 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Eh Fart....LOL
    No really I would tell her that she did a good job raising her children and obviously she enjoyed it. Now you want to experience being a Mommy too. You don't want your son being confused at who is the Mom and who is not.

    Answer by pnwmom at 10:54 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • My mil has done that with our first child. My husband did not believe she was undermining me until one day he listened at the door to her. She didn't know he was standing there and she started in on what a bad wife and mother I am. My husband stopped her cold in her tracks and told her she was done. He said until she can be respectful of me she is out of our lives. So far she has not called. It has been wonderful.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • tell her you love her being a GRANDMA not his mom....that you LOVE being a mom....put her in her place....sorry if that sounds blunt but thats the only way I can say it. MIL's will overstep boundaries and you have to set them. Obviously be as nice as possible, but straight up...tell her your son is your son and she is gma.....thats it period

    Answer by LynnB1 at 3:17 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Oh and if she doesnt listen...then tell her, her time with YOUR son shall come to an end. And that letting him call her mommy deal is gross. imo

    Answer by LynnB1 at 3:19 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • well im glad thats what you would of liked for your kids but he is mine and you are the grandma please dont for get that and i am not so comfy with him calling you mom so if you would please piotitely remind him im grandma not mommy. I fyou continue to step on my toes and interfere with my parenting skills well have to limit time spent with you until you fullt understand your role as a grandma

    Answer by April197208 at 9:42 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

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