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Should I say something??

My sister is not a good mother. My niece is 10, my sister has been a single mother the whole time but my parents have also half raised my niece with a mix of me and my husband helping out also while she has been going to school for 8 years ( no degree or anything, just generals..... still...) and working full time. I know my sister is going through money struggles but she does NOTHING with her daughter. Shes VERY strict to the point of mean and over pointless things, just to control I think. Its starting to affect my niece even more, making her withdrawn and sad. Me and my mom go through her school work with her, take her sleding, to plays, shows, over night, ask her how things are going. my sister NEVER does.. its all about her. Now, I think my sister is going to shack up with yet another ( my niece has seen SO many guys in and out of her life .. she calls them Uncles) loser, should I tell my sister she's not being a good mom


Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Jan. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Wow! I have the same sister I think, Mine may be worse though. I've tried to get her to understand that she's wrong with alot of the things that she does, I try to make her see how it affects her daughter. She never listens never changes. She thinks that I have no idea what I'm saying because it's her life and not mine. I think that the best thing you can do is be a positive role model in you niece's life, keep doing things with her and talking and letting her stay the night, make your home a safe-haven for her to always be able to come to. You should have to pass a test, to become a mother these days. So many mothers don't even have a clue. They are still so selfish.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 11:44 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • well,be ready for a big blowup! I'd do my best to have your niece by you as much as possible.Give her good influences.

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 10:43 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • OP cont'd. Me and my mom have both tried to guide her along throughout the years, she's 33 years old... she has no interest in learning how to be an active parent. She stays up on the computer playing games or facebooking til 3-6am and sleeps the next day off and on while reading on a sat, the one day she is with her daughter all day and see's nothing wrong with it, consider's this HER time. My niece never wants to be home and my sister just says, Oh god, no kid wants to be home with thier parent where there are rules and chores..; whatever.. so its NEVER anything she's doing or not doing in her eyes,. she's completely unreasonable to talk to about anything, just gets totally upset and yells. I want to actually take away my niece... What could I do or say? I HAVE minded my own business til now but she's reaching the teen years and needs some GOOD guidance and attention...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Do you want to be cut off from seeing your niece? Do you want to live with the consequences of the bullying that your sister WILL do even more on your niece?
    Isn't the kid's life hard ENOUGH without you pissing her mother off?
    You seem to have a lot of contact with your niece. YOU be the good example. Don't badmouth her mom (VERY difficult, I know), just be there for your niece.

    Answer by TinaN64 at 10:49 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Why don't you offer to be a temporary guardian of your neice until your sister finishes school

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:50 AM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • The saddest part of all these replies is the ones who say do nothing. Your sister's behavior is abusive and gross with those men passing through the house. At this point if you don't want to involve CPS or if you don't want to fight with your sister, ask if you or your mother could have some kind of guardianship of your niece. I went to school with girls whose mother behaved as your sister and every one of them had at least one child by high school graduation, if they graduated, drug and or alcohol problems and was always looking for a daddy figure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Anon, it's people like you who call CPS over any little thing and waste their time checking out bogus claims while kids that are reallly in trouble suffer.

    I don't see how your sister is abusive, self-sentered? Yes. A bad mom? Maybe in some people's eyes. But who are you to be telling anyone what kind of parent they are. I agree about asking if she wants you to take temporary guardianship while she gets her stuff together. Continue to be there for your neice but IMO, unless your neice is in danger or being mistreated it's none of your business how your sister parents HER child.

    Answer by newmomma14 at 1:12 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Maybe you should sit your sister down and suggest your niece stays with you and your husband full time until she finishes school so your niece has stability inher life if your sister disagrees then tell her you cant continue doing for her all the time your the aunt not the parent and then do that back away maybe checking on her once aweek but telling your sister shes a bad mom is not the answer as long as you are doing for her shell let you

    Answer by April197208 at 2:22 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • from the little you mentioned your sister is not being a bad mom. It can be so much more worse...she could be doing drugs, men could be abusing her daughter, she could be living of the govt, but in fact she's going to school and working full time. This alone can exhaust anyone. If she wants to have a relationship then its her choice and her issues to deal with when it comes to her daughter. You may not like it, but its ultimately her life. I watched my mom date numerous men when I was younger and I actually came out the opposite...just a one guy kinda girl......If you're taking your neice out and letting her have a good time then thats great...keep up that role and no need to judge your sister....she's not a bad mom. Ever think she's doing the best she can with all thats going on in her life?

    Answer by LynnB1 at 2:43 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • OP: Well, I do think she has a lot on her plate which is why we've all helped her the past 10 years, but she's still getting her generals in school.. after 8 years... so clearly she's not trying to better any situation. Also, she has time to juggle man after man, go in the middle of the night, drag my niece to pick up some "friend": from the bar or jail. She always has dates.You never have to even ask her if its ok that I take my niece overnight, you always know its more than ok. I know it could be worse, but does that mean its ok? I am asking that seriously. My husband grew up beat pretty bad with 2 shitty parents and he still feels bad for our niece..

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Jan. 12, 2010