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The D word....

Well my husband finally said it...DIVORCE. Im not suprised cuz everytime I come to bed, he finds a different excuse for sleeping on the couch. Ive been nagging him to get a better paying job for months cuz he's been settling for min. wage. He used to have triple that the 5 years Ive been with him. I cant get a job yet cuz of transportation issues plus I am a full time student. My family has been giving us money to pay bills & I feel guilty. We should be able to support ourselves. I have severe depression & recently developed anxiety, bad. Im on meds, which are helping. I want to try to make my relationship work, but I am mean to my husband. In turn he disrespects me by making me feel guilty for doing homework(instead of sitting around with him) plus he gets accusive if I go out (and if I dont) Its complicated, but I am supposibly a big "c" to him. We are never happy cuz we dont have the cash to go out like we used to. Cont...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Jan. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • CAn money ruin a marriage? I think I already know the answer. CAn I salvage it or go my seperate way? I never thought of him as my soulmate, but I think it can work. Am I being selfish for stressing so much on bills?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I think Divorce is an extreme option. Surely there are more options to try before you two go there. Even a separation would give both time to decide what's important. This recession has hurt many relationships by causing stress. I'd sit down with him and try to find more options before you go for the big D. (keep in mind divorces are not cheap)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:17 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • If you have a solid relationship, money is not going to cause a divorce. It can make things stressful, but not ruin a good marriage. A separation may be what you need; find some therapy for yourself for the depression and anxiety (not just medication), and marital counseling for both of you. Marriage is about being a team, partners that work together toward common goals. It doesn't sound like you guys are doing that.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 12:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • It sounds like you have made your husband feel like he's not much of a man. You criticize him for not adequately providing for you, for not earning as much as you think he could or should. Yet you are pursuing your own interests by going to school and doing homework when he desperately wants and needs your encouragement and companionship. That's why he's avoiding you in bed. He is not interested in sex because he feels you are interested in him any other time, so he's avoiding you the same way you avoid him when he wants your attention. He probably has not mentally assessed this. All he knows is that he feels unloved, disrespected and unappreciated. Maybe you should think about giving up your schooling for a period of time and spending the extra time making your husband feel like he is loved. We all have different things that makes us feel loved and quite often, they are different for husbands and wives. Work on it!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:01 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

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