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Anyone else's child act very differently at school than at home?

Our 7 year old is a good, respectful, relatively well-behaved boy at home. School is a different story. He gets in trouble for talking too much, not doing his work, not following the rules, etc... he comes home and admits to the bad behavior, tells us he understands the issue and will have a better day tomorrow, but he usually doesn't follow through. When he comes home he is very sad for his bad behavior and never talks back or denies it....what to do? Since pre-K the rule has been that if he has a bad day at school he is "grounded" for that day and can read books but no toys. We've been VERY consistant but to no avail.....any advice?

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Asked by stepmom929 at 1:58 PM on Jan. 12, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 12 (920 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Punishment does not teach good behavior. The behavior is not surprising when you admit to grounding a child from such a young age. When children are punished they become more sneaky, bad behavior esculates, they say one thing and do another, they resent their parents and authority. Psychologists know authoritarian parenting just doesn't work.

    You need to learn some new parenting skills. Parenting classes like STEP would be great if they are available. If not you could read the book along with How to Talk So Kids Will Listen.

    Its not your child's fault you didn't know how to effectively parent. Its not too late. He isn't a bad kid, and you aren't a bad mom.

    You can go to google and read more about authoritative parenting, an effective style of parenting.

    Answer by Gailll at 2:06 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Don't listen to Gailll if you don't do things her way she thinks your a monster.

    Discipline needs to be consistant your child thinks there is a 50/50 shot at getting away with something they will take the chance. I would also start rewarding for good behavior at school. I know it should be expected but your child needs to see that the attention they recieve for good behavior is much better than for negative behavior. I would also speak to the teacher and see if there are things you can do to help in the classroom so you can see his actual behavior in class. Your doing fine our kids are individuals who are constantly changing and as a parent we have to continue to adapt to that. You don't need books or to be told your a bad mom by the likes of Gaill. Her kids still live with her and she is mean to her daughter in law what does she really know?lol Good luck mom

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • don't worry I never listen to Gailll

    Answer by stepmom929 at 2:37 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I agree with the other anonymous answer above. I was told the same thing by Gailll, it seems to me that she just doen't like hearing that a child was disciplined.
    I'm in a similar situation with my son who is 5. We have taken my son to a specialist and from what was said in "anonymous's" answer is along the lines of what we were told. Talking more with your child will and getting involved more can help. I'm not saying it will absolutly help, b/c every child is different. I'm still having issues with my son, it takes time. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Wow, parenting classes... really??? I'm going to jump of the "ignore Gail" bandwagon.

    Anyway, is he an only child? Lots of times only children behave very differently at home than they do at school. They dynamic is just different for them. It's great that he knows the behavior is wrong. Have you tried focusing on rewards rather than punishment?  Also talk to the teacher about how sever the problem is. It could be that he's just a run of the mill boy who has a little growing up to do.


    Answer by maxswolfsuit at 7:17 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

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