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Are you less sympathetic to your spouse/SO's ache's pains and boo-boos

now that you have a child? My DH just had umbilical hernia surgery - they made a small 2" incision and patched his hernia and he is acting like he had a lung removed.
I am def. less sympathetic to this situation especially after having a C-section ! I feel kinda bad but I just can't conjure any real feelings of sympathy.

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chefronswife

Asked by chefronswife at 2:21 PM on Jan. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 15 (2,045 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • No, I feel just as bad for him when he's hurting as I do when I hurt or when my kids hurt. And frankly, small incision or not, your hubby had surgery, so I would definitely feel sympathetic to that.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 2:27 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • It is not sympathy you need to give, its empathy. You dont have to feel bad for him. But understand that he is in pain, and maybe offer service for him. It may not be what you want, but its what he wants.

    He is just as much a part of the family that your kids and yourself. Sometimes we gotta fake it for the sake of others. Im learning that myself. In fact I should listen to myself, too.
    Amberoz

    Answer by Amberoz at 2:38 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Absolutely not. I love taking care of him and feel horrible when he's not feeling 100% fine. The only time I'm not sympathetic to him is when he says he's tired when he gets to lay in bed and I get up and tend to the kids lol.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 2:39 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I actually feel more for him! He is one of those "tough guys" who don't like to show when he is feeling pain. So is he looks like he is hurting or something, then I know it serious. One time he split his head open playing football with his friends. I was out of the city and he actually called me and told me what happened and he NEVER calls me! I told him to go to the ER and I would meet him there. He tells me he would wait for me. I said call an ambulance if you don't want to drive (even though he drove home) and he's still like no I'll wait for you! So I knew he was really worried, so I babied him a little.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Oh, no. Now that I have a child my mommy instincts are going wild. I am actually going to go ask if anyone else has THAT problem. Thanks for the idea :)
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 3:09 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I don't feel any less for him because I had kids. He's the one who goes out and works hard for me to be able to stay home with our kids, and after work he plays on the squadron sports teams, and he does HARD workouts for PT 3-5 mornings each week from 6-830. He gets muscle strains, dislocated joints, and extreme fatigue from the intense workouts. He gets home some nights basically unable to move, but I know he is doing these things that hurt him to better himself and to provide for us. I normally cook dinner at night, make his plate, bring it to him after I've made the kids plates, and let him relax. When he's feeling good, he will do loads of chores for me so it makes up for it. He appreciates me feeling empathy and helping him out and he shows it when he can. In fact he's home today, with a really badly strained neck muscle, and he's sleeping on the couch so DD and I are keeping it quiet and doing chores! =)
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 3:12 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • You guys are right ...I SUCK!! I hate self realization. I don't have any empathy for him...I wonder why? I guess I need to work on that as well. In the meantime, he wants me stop on the way home with the baby and get him: A lottery ticket, green gatorade, and the stuff to make Tacos. I WILL BE MORE EMPATHETIC, I will be more empathetic....
    chefronswife

    Answer by chefronswife at 3:19 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • lol i find that amusing! mine has never had surgery thank God but i know each time he wants to complain of a headache im like no u think ur head hurts just try being me!!
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 3:23 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • i care for them equally.
    lilshortie415

    Answer by lilshortie415 at 11:55 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I will say this... I get tired of all of his aches and pains! It's like every other day there's a new one! He did have his tonsils removed right after we got married and that was really rough, but his voice has not gone back to normal after his last cold and sometimes it's like "okay, so you're voice is deeper and..." Maybe it's something medical that I don't know about, but I get a grunt if something is wrong with me (which is not very often). I dont' think it's a less sympathy, I think mine is partially a jealousy thing maybe, like everybody worries about him and the babies, but not me. I had strep throat a few weeks ago and I had to carry on like normal. When he's sick, he gets a day off from work and the kids are at daycare and everything. If I'm sick the kids only get to the daycare when I take them! I think it's frustration that it feels like mommy is not important anymore! I can relate!
    mommystiebler

    Answer by mommystiebler at 12:02 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

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