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If I only want one child but my husband wants more, will this hurt our marriage?

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Asked by KMN2010 at 4:19 PM on Jan. 12, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • It *can.* That's an issue that should be agreed on before an engagement ring is accepted; no one should go into a marriage thinking they can change the other person's mind about it later.

    But since the rings are already exchanged...time for the two of you to go through pros and cons of adding and not adding to your family.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:22 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I agree with the PP. Also, I dont think you will regret having another..but when you get older you might regret NOT having another.

    Answer by nsrush83 at 4:23 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I think the spouse who wants more should be heard. And heard well. My parents had me and my brother. A few years down the road my Dad wanted more and my mom didn't. My Dad then cheated and fathered two kids outside the marriage because he wanted more. Its pathetic, not every man or woman is like this but just make sure if you two do decide not to have more, that your DH is COMPLETELY comfortable with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Only if he has them with another woman....ok that was supposed to be a joke but I see now that it was in poor taste. Just take one year at a time. See how wonderful your one child is and in many cases parents want to enjoy that kind of love with yet another child. If after a few years you still don't want anymore then maybe by then he'll have given up wanting more.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:27 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I agree you should have discussed this before getting married. So have you considered a compromise? My husband thought having 3 or 4 children would be nice, but we ended up stopping with 2 children (which is what I really wanted). We both wanted boys, and boys we got, so we quit while we were ahead!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 4:28 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Yes, or no. You can go into a marriage *wanting* more children but it's not always financially or physically possible for couples. You also can't say "I will give birth to one child and no more" because you never know how you feel and your husband may end up being totally overwhelmed by the actual experience and not want more. We planned for a very large family but were cut short and that is just the way it goes.

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 4:30 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • it can hurt your relationship ! but i dont think you should have more kids than you really want to .... you two need to sit downand talk and see what works for both not just him or you... and if he stil wants more and you still want one then its up to you what happens but i think i would rethink everything and maybe he wasnt right for you ... good luck

    Answer by Naralie at 4:30 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • Yes, it could potentially hurt the relationship. My dh had 1 kid before us. I told him I wanted 2, possibley 3 of my own. He said 3 may be pushing it, but was totally open to 2. We just had our first together, now my mom said he was hinting that he may have changed his mind about wanting more, & it was like a dagger in my heart! I know it's terrible, & I wouldn't actually do it, but this voice in my head instantly said, "will I have to get artificially inseminated? or sleep with someone else?" But there is an instinct factor involved. At the same rate, if you don't want more kids & have them. will it affect how you will treat them? (" I didn't even want you"?)

    have you had your first yet? Cause you never know. It may change your mind if you end up really enjoying the experience...

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • I always wanted 2 kids. DH wanted 2 or 3. Now we have 1. I have a medical condition with my heart and i dont want to have another one until they fix what is wrong with me because it caused major complications with the birth of my son and both me and my son almost didnt make it. DH just hit me with wanting to try to have another one now and it hurt me so bad that i almost lost my life and yet he wants to try to have another one before i even get the treatment that i need. It is hurting our marriage. He wants another one so bad right now that he mentioned adoption. Also i always wanted 2 kids but now that i have my son im not sure if i can handle another child. I get stressed out and have a hard time with the one that i have now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:39 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

  • if u don't cooperate wit ur DH like the pp said he will probably go outside to get it which will definitely put stress on your married.

    Answer by joysweet at 7:11 PM on Jan. 12, 2010

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