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Fathers Rights

I am about to enter into a custody/visitation court process and I would like some experiences/opinions about what I can expect the father will be able to get.
Some facts:
1) Father is not on b.c. and is just now starting the DNA test process...
2)We were never in a relationship, and he was not around for the last 21 months + (pregnancy included in this plus after babys birth)
2)Has not been around for more than 8 hours out of the entire year our daughter has been here....seriously, it was like 3 visits to give a check.
3)He does have an established residence, but he lives unmarried with another girl
4)He parties alot
5)currently he is not working, he is in the halfway army I call it bc im not quite sure what it is when he goes once in awhile...so right now he doesnt do anything really.
6)We are in the state of Michigan

Now here are some things about my side and what I would like to request in court:
........

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Jan. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • 1) I would like to see a gradual phased in process be established since by the time everything goes through the courts, our daughter could be well over 18 months and this would be a stranger wanting to take her.
    2) After some supervised visits (whatever is recommended by the ref.) I would be fine with having a weekend day (during the day only) and even during the week if it works out with our schedules, bc I am busy and he seems to be hanging around right now doing nothing.
    3)I would like to request that the supervised visit be with someone nuetral, bc I really dont think at this point me and him want to be around eachother....so maybe my mother?
    4) I also would like when he has private visits for them to be at his mothers houes for awhile, so at least he has some support- He has never had a child and he is my age...and I know how much work it takes...I am afraid he would get fed up...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • 5)I also would not want any type of overnights until over the age of like 3 or 4......I think it might even be a law in the state of michigan that you cannot have children overnight if you are not married...bc he is not even in a stable relationship and the girl has not been too kind to me in the past.

    Does this all seem reasonable?
    And finally
    6) I would like sole custody but a regular visitation set up for him......
    Can I expect I will get sole custody since we were never married??? I am not sure I know what this even means as far as decisions, but I would hope he would not get any more set visitation rights than the normal every other or if we agree to something else outside of the court system that works with our schedules.

    So. do I sound reasonable? Just looking for opinions and also if anyone thinks I might get what I want out of this?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • You don't want to know what I think because it's not in your favor.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • No, you don't sound reasonable. Look, the only way you're going to get that is to have him declared unfit. You're only going to get him declared unfit if HE admits to having the kid in bed with him while he's turning tricks as a gigolo and having the kid pass him his crack pipe and lighter.

    You need to accept that he's going to likely get joint decision making power (doctors, schooling, religion, etc), regular visitation (standard is usually from some point on Friday to some point on Sunday) and no supervision or provisions for overnight guests. You will not get to dictate how he cares for her, how or where they spend their time together or who he has around her or helping to care for her.

    If you breast feed you're going to be told to pump.

    That is STANDARD. Nothing that you've said about him will sway the court to do otherwise.

    Sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I think you are just looking out for the well-being of your child. I hope both the father and the court realize this. Good luck.
    LisaLulu

    Answer by LisaLulu at 8:53 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Being here in the state of Michigan myself I can tell you that you are wrong in the assumption that he can't have overnights unless he's married, and the child can have overnights no matter the age. My son was not even a year old and had weekend visits. And in my experience the judges don't care what you think. They will make a decision based soley on their thoughts on the situation. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Wow, okay then....Hopefully nothing happens to my child then. I guess I need to start praying more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Do you think having a picture of him drunk with a beer in each hand for every weekend since the birth would help. Cus he sure hasnt gave a damn about his chlid up until now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • If he doesn't give a damn then why is he fighting for visitation? Seriously is he just trying to get out of paying child support? I don't think the two are linked.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I am saying that since thus far he hasnt wanted to establish a relationship then my child NEEDS TIME TO GET USED TO A STRANGER. I am not trying to keep him out of her life at all, but would you think a child would be okay going with ppl they had never known for an extended amount of time, with someone who has no experience with children. I just want to make sure that my child is brought into this new situation the right way. whehter the ref will think i am unreasonable is up to them, i just wanted some opinions.........

    and about the overnight law, i meant if the guy lives with a girl that he is not married to, which is in this case. when they are broken up he has other girls there, and when they are not she lives there....i do not bring men around my daughter....and i think unless you are married, that is very concerning to have a child around that. what does that teach as she gets older?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

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