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pants arent his..?

So apparently the pants in the dryer weren't his, and he wants to know who they belong to. I haven't had another man here (or been with another man AT ALL) so they are obviously either his or we have someone breaking into our house at night and putting jeans in our dryer. They are put over the top of the bedroom door right now and I'm not allowed to move them so need advice on dealing with this when he comes home tonight. He's super pissed and very calm, and he even admited this morning that when he's calm is when I should be worried, because he can think clearly when he's calm.

Advice in talking to him and this not escalating would be appreciated, thanks. We have had problems with his anger in the past.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Jan. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • If you didn't put them there, he had to have planted them there himself. It sounds to me like he is manipulating this to look like you are guilty of something. How should you deal with it? I would not mention those pants, if I were you. You've already told him you don't know where they came from, so I would wait and see how he chooses to handle it from here. Those pants did not just walk into your house, so if you didn't bring them in, he had to have brought them in. That means he is playing mind games with you for some reason known only to him, so I would wait and see what his next move is. He is probably counting on you to fall at his feet and apologize for something you didn't do, so don't grovel. I think he's putting on some kind of an act, and I would be very interested to know why. The best way to find out is to keep very quiet, watch, look and listen very carefully. He is up to something!

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:56 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • i'm not worried about the mysterious pants as much as i am your statement ''..and i''m not allowed to move them.'' what, are you a child in timeout or something? you are an adult. i think you need to talk to a professional about his controlling abusive behavior towards you. you said he's had 'anger issues' in the past; obviously, his issues are still hanging around, whether he's learning to control his anger or not.
    i see this situation as just an example of what your entire life must be like with this man. get some counseling, momma, and learn that you are fully capable of receiving respectful behavior from your spouse/partner. i would not put up with not being allowed to move a dang pair of pants!

    Answer by thehairnazi at 9:03 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • You need some form of protection and you need to get the hell out of this relationship. I'm afraid for your life. Invite your parents for dinner. Have a witness. Get an escape plan. This is not normal.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Yeah I agree with NannyB, When I first read your post I was thinking the same thing...Don't try to even defend yourself bc then you will sound like you are hiding something...Just let it go and let him deal with his insecurity...remember your conscious are clean...But if he did not put the jeans in the house that is strange...hmmm?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Tell him that logically speaking a grown man is NOT going to leave your house without his pants! If you were having an affair you wouldn't wash some other man's clothes with your own so he could see them. He's not making sense. Does anyone else have a key to your place? I go thrift store shopping and if I find stuff for my dd's family I drop them off without saying anything until I see them. Does your friend or family member have a key to do laundry when you are not there? It's something simple. Things don't just appear like magic. We have a laundry room at our condo complex and I've come home with extra clothes. Have you gone anywhere where you could have picked something up without realizing it? Have either one of you bought jeans and forgot? Maybe he let someone in and they did laundry. Ask him if any of his friends stopped in for any reason when you were out. You two will figure it out. Tell him to calm down and think

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:12 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I would just say I dont know where they came from and if you don't stop acting this way I am leaving. He needs to grow up. They probably are his pants and he is playing games or is dumb enough to have forgotten about his own damn pants. I also do agree make sure that somebody is nearby in case he gets violent.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 9:23 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Op here, Got a text message saying he's not sure what to think, they don't belong to him but I was right about wanting to throw them away and I can take them down from the door and get rid of them. So hopefully this just tides over and he realized they were his or something and doesn't want to admit it. Thanks ladies.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • SO, I suppose "if" you were cheating, that this man took off without any pants on, right? lmao. Wow. There are probably your husband's. A pair he doesn't even wear or had for a while.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

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