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I am sure this question has been asked before...but how do you encourage your DH

to help with the baby, housework etc.? I am at my wits end! We both work full time and when he comes home he vegitates on the couch while I care for our baby and do all of the everything! I know there is no magic foo-foo dust I can sprinkle on him but what have you tried that has been succesful in making your DH, SO more involved?


Asked by chefronswife at 9:57 AM on Jan. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,045 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would NOT put up with that BS! That is his child, too & he needs to be responsible for her! And I agree with missanc, if he doesn't like the way you do his lsundry, stop doing his. In fact, if he can't help you, just stop helping him altogether - go on strike! There is no reason he should not be able help you with household chores & taking care of HIS child!

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 11:33 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Honestly, getting to the point where I break down into tears & tell him I can't do it by myself is the only thing that motivates hubby to help out for a couple of days. I've tried talking to him ahead of time, asking nicely, nagging, writing it down, etc & he just doesn't get it until I'm in tears. Hope you find a better way!

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:59 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Thanks Nyx7 - Tears are apparently ineffective as well with mine....

    Answer by chefronswife at 10:01 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Hand him the baby. Tell him it is your turn. You might just have to comfront him on what he is not doing. Or just pay a person to clean your house

    Answer by louise2 at 10:01 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Many men don't like helping with babies. My x wouldn't touch our kids until they were old enough to walk, talk, go to the bathroom alone and feed themselves. Just ask him at what point does he plan to help out

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:02 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Not much. I also work f/t and have two little ones and do most the work. He will only help out with our older son if I insist that he do something like get the bath ready while I nurse the baby. As the pp said it takes a melt down to have him help. GL

    Answer by jombmomi at 10:03 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I just ask him. He truly doesn't see what needs to be done, but if I ask him to watch the baby while I finish up supper, or load the dishwasher, he'll do it - what's he going to say, no? I'm a SAHM and I still expect him to help out when he gets home - it's not like I've been sitting on my butt all day doing nothing.

    Answer by missanc at 10:06 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • OP: Well when I ask him to watch the baby he does not exactly say no , but you can tell it is somewhat of an imposition..and as soon as she needs something it is prtty much over for him. I feel bad about complaing but the baby is 8 months and he has fed her maybe 4 times, never given her a bath, dressed her maybe twice...
    It is not like he is outside digging ditches all day either!
    This rant all started because he critized the way I do laundry (every night!) yet he has not done laundry in 7 years! Arrrgh!

    Answer by chefronswife at 10:18 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • My ex criticized the way I did laundry - know what, for the remaining time we were together I did mine and the kids, he did his own! I told him if the way I did it wasn't good enough then he could just do his own.
    Maybe he needs to spend some time alone with the baby without you there to bail him out so he can learn to soothe her, take care of her needs?

    Answer by missanc at 10:48 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • If my DH criticized the way I cleaned the house did laundry etc.... I would tell him, Do it your self if you think you can do it better then. If not shut up.  I agree with the others. Stop doing his laundry. If he does not like the way you do it. Some guys have to be taught .


    Answer by louise2 at 1:11 PM on Jan. 13, 2010