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Whould you introduce your 13 daughter to there Sperm donor if

He has not seen her since she was 3, and last called her when she was 5.
He was never around to begin with?
When he was around with his terms-meaning he left with out a word, and made promises he could not keep.
She has not seen him in 10 years.
Last I heard 8 years ago, he was taking me to court...Have not heard from him since.

My daughter wants to meet him, but I am so afraid he will hurt her. I don't think he means it he just don't know how to love. Not bashing him.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Jan. 13, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Allow her to meet him, it's her choice....just have a talk with her, without being mean, about her dad and tell her that he tends to be aloof and flaky but that doesnt mean he doesnt love her....just tell her he's busy and has a hectic life. In the long run she knows that you love her and she will respect you more for respecting her wishes.
    LynnB1

    Answer by LynnB1 at 1:10 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • If she wants to meet him I think you should let her. If he hurts her then you will be there to comfort her and maybe she will make the decision not to even bother with him again. But he just MAY change and want to be in her life.
    mzQ

    Answer by mzQ at 10:23 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • If she want to let her.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:25 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • My sister will eventually have to deal with this situation when her daughter askes her,and what I plan on telling her when the time comes is that if she wants to then let her but explain to her exactly what has happened, in your case I do think she is old enough to understand and explain how you feel and what your concerns are and just be supporting and loving cause you never know how these things will play out! Goodluck MaMa!! XOXO
    Korysmom96

    Answer by Korysmom96 at 10:27 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  •  Absoultly, let her meet him. Maybe he could take her out for a burger. You can't protect her this time mom, she has to deal with this one herself. I hope you didn't talk badly about him with her. That's not right nor fair.

    jblueeyes228

    Answer by jblueeyes228 at 10:45 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I think you should let her if it is what she wants, but also talk to her about the possible outcomes. How will she feel if things go well? How will she feel if they have a few outings and he takes off again? Or if he doesn't turn out to be the person she may have built him up to be? Talk thru these things with her ahead of time so she can prepare for all of the possibilities, then if the worst happens maybe the blow will be a bit less traumatic. Let her know that want to be optimistic but that you also feel protective of your little girl, that you don't want to keep her from her father but you do want to keep her from getting hurt. And let her know that no matter what she will always have you to be there for her and to help her if she needs it. Good luck! You are in a tough spot on this one but I think at this age you have to let her take the chance, hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 11:08 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I never bad mouth him...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • dealing with your situation on the flip side... my dd WANTS to meet her father (no contact since she was 10 months old- she is almost 9 now), and though I have FINALLY tracked him down he refuses to have any contact. contact which SHE is requesting- he owes her that much at least!

    yes, I would let her... she needs to come to terms with this on her own, and for her own pinions on the situation. hard to let someone who could hurt her into the equation, I know, but it may actually be beneficial to her in the long run.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 11:44 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I though sperm donators were anonymous...
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:34 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Of course. She is 13. She needs to learn about him for herself. If he hurts her - that is life. You can't protect her from those types of experiences. As the previous poster said, you can give her information about him (without bashing him) that might prepare her for things in his personality.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 1:35 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

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