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How do I pick either my 6 year olds and my sanity or my sons well being?

I have a 14 year old son,that has a.d.h.d and epilepsy as well as conduct disorder.He is in alternative school because he was expelled last year.Then I have a daughter in 1st grade who is extremely bright. She is on the honor roll,etc.My son has caused so much disfunction in our home that I have a social worker coming to our house.I dont think its working.An example is that he wanted to leave last night,and I refused to let him.He takes my cell phone and I hear him tell another child that he bought a bag of weed and that he coundnt leave to go and get it.He has had 2 geand mal seizures when he has been @ his dads because his dad refuses to make sure he takes his medicine.If it were not for this medical issue,I would let him live with his father.My daughter is starting model some of his bad behavior and I feel as though I have done everything to try and help my son,why his father watches from the sidelines,any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Jan. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Is he in counseling? Is he on meds for his ADHD or conduct disorder? You didn't mention this....

    Dad probably thinks that since he's not there he doesn't have to deal with it.
    all4mymarine

    Answer by all4mymarine at 11:09 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • First off, I'm really sorry that you're having to go through such a difficult time. Second, perhaps there are some ways to show your son that his behavior is not acceptable. ADHD is not by any means an excuse to act out, is he on medication for it? If he is and it doesn't seem to be working I would chat with his doctor about it. Also, Maybe you should bring him on a field trip to the local jail to show him what happens when people do bad things, which sounds like a path that he very well may take. It's time to take complete charge of the situation and don't be the nice mom- he needs discipline.. I was an AWFUL 13 year old and needed my parents to give me a wake up call.. and now I am happily graduating college with a beautiful little family. Good luck and be strong, your children will thank you for it in the future!
    LishaBee

    Answer by LishaBee at 11:17 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • If He isn't in counseling, get him in it now, even if he doesn't want it, make him go. He needs med for the ADHD as well, if he doesn't have those. As far as the epilepsy, you HAVE to make sure he gets those meds every day for every dose he is supposed to take them. Especially if they are grand mal seizures. If he goes off the meds for too long and he seizes and it doesn't stop for too long of a time, it can cause brain damage, which I am sure you are aware. Get his dad on the same page here, cause this is for his well being. Let the social worker know that his dad is also slipping on his parental duties so that maybe they can go talk to him as well and things can be a bit more cohesive as far as the getting meds and rules, etc. Good luck!
    mom2BOYZnDad

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 11:25 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Wow. I am in a similar situation. My 14 year old son is also ADD. My 6 year old daughter is very smart and well behaved. His behavior brings the whole house down. The screaming and fighting is unbearable. I don't have an answer for you. I'm just letting you know you're not alone! Good luck to you.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 11:26 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • Can you talk to your lawyer, since dh is your ex by divorce or separation, to petition for father to have to be involved in his son's health appointments and counseling IN ORDER for dh to be allowed to have ds with him? Also include school conferences.

    Another approach could be to tell in front of social worker and also in front of, or tell two separate times, that continued bad trouble with him will require ds to be put into a longterm rehab bootcamp.

    Maybe even approaching the Dr. Phil show could help you and guide you to a legitimate place of peace, or try writing or calling the Style Network's television show -SuperNanny -that show SuperNanny deals with kids with behavior and attention disorders plus also siblings at risk from their siblings behavior.

    If you can get yourself into counselling to keep your own sanity with methods to deal with stress yourself everytime it hits then you could be stronger with and for kids.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 11:30 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • i have a friend who had her older son put in a group home because his behavior was negatily affecting the younger children....sometimes we have to look at the bigger picture...maybe do this with your son would be the best thing in the long run...good luck and lots of hugs hang in there
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • I think you have to ask for help from professionals. Sounds like this kid needs to be a facility or he simply isn't going to survive to adulthood. Your social worker should be able to tell you what is available in your location.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • From experience (as the younger sibling 'victim') Get him out of the house. It is not fair to her to have to suffer the way I know she is. Whether she tells you or not she is feeling scared, alone and ignored. It is not giving up on your son to put him into an institution for help. It is a valid avenue to help repair your family especially your relation ship with DD. I have been in her shoes. I was until I was 11. It killed me. Please don't do that to her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

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